Birthday Quotes And Jokes

Birthday quotes and jokes that take the cake. No need to fake it, make it a real celebration with funny stuff like this: 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 65th, 80th, and General Birthday Humor. Cheers!

Funny Quotes:
Group 1

Birthday Quotes: funny quote by Melanie White:  "Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am."

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck

The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
- Richard J. Needham

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
- Andy Borowitz

Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.
- Greg Tamblyn

Birthday Quotes and Jokes,
Group 2

The number one cause of death is too many birthdays.
- Anonymous

It's easier to remember your age if you don’t change it every year
- Anonymous

I’ve got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it’s all lower.
- Gypsy Rose Lee

The bad news is that I have a bad memory and am no good at math. The good news is that I have no idea how old I am.
- Melanie White

It is crazy easy to buy a birthday cake. Even if it is no one's birthday. They don't even check.
- Minor Irritation ‏@brettminor

Gave my co-worker the Heimlich maneuver. Proving once again I'm no good at birthday gifts.
- Jamie Tighe ‏@thejamietighe

I’ve been asked to pose for Penthouse on my 100th birthday. Everybody is going to be sorry.
- Dolly Parton

Birthday Quotes, Group 3:

Middle Age

Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.
- Ronald Reagan

Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
- Bennet Cerf

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
- Ogden Nash

When you hit middle age, getting to second base is mainly just feeling each other for lumps.

Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”
- Kin Hubbard

Picture of a man holding a dog's face into a smile. Caption: "Smile! It's your birthday!"

Funny Stuff: The Power of Prayer

Little Jimmy was shouting out a prayer for his birthday. “Please God, all I want for my birthday is a new X-Box. Thank you.”

His mom walked in and said, “Jimmy, why all the shouting? God isn’t deaf.”

“I know,” said Jimmy. “But Grandpa is.”

Birthday Shopping

A husband and his wife were out shopping. The wife suddenly remembered that her mother’s birthday was coming up. She said,

“Honey, can we look around for a birthday present for mom? She wants something electric.”

The husband replied, “Sure, honey. How about a chair?”

Birthday Quotes And Jokes

Group 4

Happy birthday Cher! For your birthday, I'm sending you a DVD of my favorite movie about a talking pig. I got you Babe.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Happy birthday, Bono. I wanted to get you the perfect present, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
- Ellen DeGeneres

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
- Melanie White

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?
- Satchel Paige

Birthday Quotes and Jokes, Group 5

Birthdays really take the cake . . . and add it to your stomach.
- Melanie White

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
- Malcolm Cowley

The first fact about the celebration of a birthday is that it is a way of affirming defiantly, and even flamboyantly, that it is a good thing to be alive.
- G. K. Chesterton

Having a birthday is a lot better than not having one.
- Anonymous

I'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law.
- Andry H'Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

On your birthday, remember: don’t drink and tattoo.
- Greg Tamblyn

You know you're getting old when you scroll down the birthday drop down menu ... And it starts going into Roman Numerals.
- RTS ‏@cambuslad

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
- Greg Tamblyn

You can't help getting older but you don't have to get old.
- George Burns

Photo of Dave Barry with quote by him: "You're only young once, but you can always be immature."

More Birthday humor? Try these:

Funny Birthday Wishes

Funny Birthday Phrases

Funny Birthday Jokes

Hilarious Birthday Jokes

Funny Birthday Card Sayings

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

Funny Happy Birthday Wishes

21st Birthday Jokes

30th Birthday Jokes

Jokes About Turning 40

Funny 40th Birthday Sayings

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Funny 50th Birthday Sayings

60th Birthday Jokes

Funny 60th Birthday Quotes

65th Birthday Jokes

80th Birthday Jokes

or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"

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