Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Funny 50th
Birthday Quotes

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes for a comical quota of 50s reality. (Reality is a place that requires humor.) These hilarious birthday jokes will kick you into the fifties with a laugh, so you can kick up your heels, high or not.

50th Birthday Humor
Quotes, Group 1

You're not 50 - you're five perfect tens!
You're not 50 - you're five perfect tens!

Happy 50th - the years look good on you!
But then, I don’t see as well as I used to.
- Melanie White

Turning 50 means it's only a matter of time before you're regaling your grandkids with tales of your first colonoscopy.
- Greg Tamblyn

Fifty is a weird age. I can clearly remember my childhood, but I can’t remember where I put my keys.
- Melanie White

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
- Dave Barry

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 2

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
- Helen Hayes

I’m 50, and the only thing getting thinner is my skin.
- Melanie White

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

There is a direct relationship between age and the amount of noise you make when getting up....If you sit too long, everything solidifies.
- Janet Periat

My 50th birthday wish: that I had as much silver in my safe as I have in my hair.
- Melanie White

In your 20s: Looking for your perfect match.
In your 50s: Just happy if your socks match.
- East of Sweden ‏@mybigblondelife

Sex in your 50s is mostly just remembering what it is you did last time that threw your back out.
- Thrill Tweeter ‏@Thrill_Tweeter

Here I am, approaching 50 years old, with two daughters that refuse to stay 10-years-old no matter how many times I ask them.
- Joe Posnanski

At 50 you wish all movies over an hour long would have an intermission.
At 50 you wish all movies over an hour long would have an intermission.

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 3

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
- Kin Hubbard

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
- Joey Adams

There’s nothing stressful about turning 50 – except people reminding you about it.
- Melanie White

When I turn 50, instead of lying about my age and putting it back 10 years, I'll put it forward 10 years so I can freely talk about my bowel movements.
- Thrill Tweeter ‏@Thrill_Tweeter

Hilarious Birthday

Quotes, Group 4

Fifty and time to face the facial truth. You’ve got wrinkle cream defeated.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50 and wake up without any aches and pains, you know it’s going to be a good day.
- Melanie White

Why is it when you’re 50 that you seem to forget everything except how old you are?
- Melanie White

The longer you meditate about being 50, the more likely you are to fall asleep.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50, you know you’re in great shape if you still have one.
- Melanie White

Looking 50 is great - if you're 60.
- Joan Rivers
Looking 50 is great - if you're 60.
- Joan Rivers

Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 5

You're never too old to become younger.
- Mae West

Now that I’m 50, people try to be polite, and instead of calling me old, they say I’m mature. Obviously they don’t know me very well.
- Melanie White

Do you remember when 50 seemed old?
Good, your memory still works.
- Melanie White

When you’re 50, every time you look in the mirror you think it must be April Fools Day.
- Melanie White

Don’t call them age spots; they’re big freckles.
- Melanie White

A man shouldn’t fool with booze until he’s fifty. Then he’s a damn fool if he doesn’t.
- William Faulkner

At 50, I think it’d be a lot easier to relax if I didn’t have to work another 15 years.
- Melanie White

50 is a walk in the park – and if I retired now that’s about all I could afford.
- Melanie White

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Copyright Notice:

All quotations by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted,
unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Thank you.

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