Funny Mother Jokes & One-Liners

Funny Mother Jokes & One-Liners

Moms get a lot of grief, but without them where would we be? Nonexistent! Let these funny mother jokes lighten your load with lots of laughter.

Links to more mother jokes at the bottom.
Share your own Mom jokes in the Comment box.


But first, help yourself to the Video Joke of the Day...

Brand New From JokeQuote:

Now Everybody Gets To Be Funny!

MilkSnort! The Joke Party Game - Click Here


Funny Mother Jokes

Group 1

Dear Mom, Thanks for being my mom. If I had a different mom, I would punch her in the face and go find you. Love, Brodie.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet, but we placed an ad.”
- Dana Snow

My mom from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she’s sentimental. She just gets really far behind in her laundry.
- Brian Kiley


Funny Mother Jokes
Group 2

My mom is a neat freak. If she adopted a highway, she’d mop it once a week.
- Daniel Liebert

My mom thinks coupons are money, and gives them for gifts.
- Jane Warren

A 3-way? No thanks. If I wanted to disappoint two women at once, I'd go out to lunch with my mom and ex-wife.
- The Nerd ‏@drunknerdpro

"You were always very normal, really average at everything you did." My mom, complimenting me.
- Lurk @ Home Mom ‏@LurkAtHomeMom

I have trouble telling women my feelings. I think it gets back to the first time I told my mom I loved her. I said, “I love you, Mommy.” And she said, “Slow down. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. You’re going way too fast.”
- Mike Rubin

I’m very loyal in a relationship, all relationships. When I’m with my mom, I don’t look at other moms and think: "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like?"
- Garry Shandling


Funny Mother Jokes
Group 3

I saw my mom today. It was all right. She didn’t see me.
- Margaret Smith

My mother and I had different attitudes about sex. She said, “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with a man till he buys you a house.” Well, it worked for her. And I got a swing set out of the deal.
- Judy Brown

My mother is 60, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won’t tell me who.
- Wendy Leibman

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least that’s what he told us in the letter.
- Drew Carey


Funny Mother Jokes
Group 4

Instead of saying hello, my mom gets on the phone and says, “Guess who died?”
- Dom Irrera

My mom, she wakes me up at 6:00 in the morning and says, “The early bird catches the worm. “ If I want a worm, Mom, I’ll drink a bottle of tequila.
- Pam Stone

My mom taught me everything I needed to know: don’t talk to strangers, don’t pay retail, and the size of your hair should always match the size of your ass.
- Stephanie Schiern

If you’re looking for a way to piss off your mother, here’s what I suggest. Next time you’re driving with your mom, stop in from of the local strip joint. Put the car in park and say, “I’ll be right back. I just have to go in and pick up my check.”
- Julie Gold



Funny Mother Jokes

Group 5

My mom just wrote her autobiography. Pick it up. It’s in the stores right now. It’s called, “I Came, I Saw, I Criticized.”
- Judy Gold

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
- Richard Jeni

My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting, and she’d let me lick the beaters. Then she’d turn them off.
- Marty Cohen

My mom is so neurotic. She puts down toilet paper on the seat even at our relative’s house, at the dinner table.
- Wendy Liebman

I hope all my blood tests come back as negative as my mother is.
- Kate Mason


Funny Mother Jokes
Group 6

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off a kitchen table. She said, “Well dammit, we can’t have nice things.”
- Paula Poundstone

When my mother writes out her income tax return every year, under “occupation,” she writes, “Eroding my daughter’s self-esteem.”
- Robin Roberts

Mom, I was gonna give you an all expenses paid, first-class trip to Hawaii for Mothers Day, but I knew how much you'd miss me and I just couldn't put you through that kind of agony.
- Unknown Author

How is it that my mother can’t see well enough to thread a needle, but she can see right through me?
- Melanie White



If you’re reading a book to your child and you decide to do a funny voice, you better be prepared to repeat that voice like for three frigging years.
- Unknown Author

A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero.
- Gelett Burgess



You could pay a comedian $3,000 to come to your party and you still won’t laugh as hard or have as much fun as you will with MilkSnort!

All for less than a latte.

Click here to get the skinny!


* Also great for staff meetings and team building.


New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

MilkSnort! The Joke Party Game elevates your endorphins, amplifies your amusement, and improves your digestion.

It's the most fun you can have without whipped cream.

It's only available here at JokeQuote.

Your gang will think you're a genius for discovering it.

Click Here to check it out.

* Also great for staff meetings and team building.


Need more Mom Humor? Go here:

Funny Mother Quotes

Mothers Day Jokes

Or go back to Anniversary Jokes

Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny sayings"