MilkSnort! The Joke Game logo image

The Easiest Way To Have
A Hilarious Zoom Party:

The Joke Game

More Info - Watch The Video

The Easiest Way To Have A Hilarious Zoom Party:

More Info - Watch The Video

Funny Mother Jokes & One-Liners

Funny Mother Jokes & One-Liners

Let these funny mother jokes lighten your load with a load of laughter. Moms get a lot of grief, but without them where would we be? Nonexistent!

Funny Mother Jokes: Funny image of mom telling her little boy
Funny Mother Jokes: Funny image of mom telling her little boy

Funny Mother Jokes

Group 1

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, “Not yet, but we placed an ad.”
- Dana Snow

My mom from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she’s sentimental. She just gets really far behind in her laundry.
- Brian Kiley

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?', it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
- Erma Bombeck

Dear Mom, Thanks for being my mom. If I had a different mom, I would punch her in the face and go find you. Love, Brodie.

Funny Mother Jokes
Group 2

My mom is a neat freak. If she adopted a highway, she’d mop it once a week.
- Daniel Liebert

My mom thinks coupons are money, and gives them for gifts.
- Jane Warren

A 3-way? No thanks. If I wanted to disappoint two women at once, I'd go out to lunch with my mom and ex-wife.
- The Nerd ‏@drunknerdpro

"You were always very normal, really average at everything you did." My mom, complimenting me.
- Lurk @ Home Mom ‏@LurkAtHomeMom

I have trouble telling women my feelings. I think it gets back to the first time I told my mom I loved her. I said, “I love you, Mommy.” And she said, “Slow down. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. You’re going way too fast.”
- Mike Rubin

I’m very loyal in a relationship, all relationships. When I’m with my mom, I don’t look at other moms and think: "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like?"
- Garry Shandling

Funny Mother Jokes
Group 3

I saw my mom today. It was all right. She didn’t see me.
- Margaret Smith

My mother and I had different attitudes about sex. She said, “Whatever you do, don’t sleep with a man till he buys you a house.” Well, it worked for her. And I got a swing set out of the deal.
- Judy Brown

My mother is 60, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won’t tell me who.
- Wendy Leibman

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least that’s what he told us in the letter.
- Drew Carey

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
- Buddy Hackett

Funny Mother Jokes
Group 4

Instead of saying hello, my mom gets on the phone and says, “Guess who died?”
- Dom Irrera

My mom, she wakes me up at 6:00 in the morning and says, “The early bird catches the worm. “ If I want a worm, Mom, I’ll drink a bottle of tequila.
- Pam Stone

My mom taught me everything I needed to know: don’t talk to strangers, don’t pay retail, and the size of your hair should always match the size of your ass.
- Stephanie Schiern

If you’re looking for a way to piss off your mother, here’s what I suggest. Next time you’re driving with your mom, stop in from of the local strip joint. Put the car in park and say, “I’ll be right back. I just have to go in and pick up my check.”
- Julie Gold

Humorous Ogden Nash Quote
Humorous Ogden Nash Quote

Funny Mother Jokes

Group 5

My mom just wrote her autobiography. Pick it up. It’s in the stores right now. It’s called, “I Came, I Saw, I Criticized.”
- Judy Gold

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.
- Richard Jeni

My mom was a little weird. When I was little she would make chocolate frosting, and she’d let me lick the beaters. Then she’d turn them off.
- Marty Cohen

My mom is so neurotic. She puts down toilet paper on the seat even at our relative’s house, at the dinner table.
- Wendy Liebman

I hope all my blood tests come back as negative as my mother is.
- Kate Mason

Funny Mother Jokes
Group 6

My mom is one of those really angry moms who gets mad at absolutely everything. Once when I was a little kid, I accidentally knocked a Flintstones glass off a kitchen table. She said, “Well dammit, we can’t have nice things.”
- Paula Poundstone

When my mother writes out her income tax return every year, under “occupation,” she writes, “Eroding my daughter’s self-esteem.”
- Robin Roberts

Mom, I was gonna give you an all expenses paid, first-class trip to Hawaii for Mothers Day, but I knew how much you'd miss me and I just couldn't put you through that kind of agony.
- Unknown Author

How is it that my mother can’t see well enough to thread a needle, but she can see right through me?
- Melanie White

Mothers are more fond of their children than fathers because mothers are more certain the children are their own.
- Aristotle

A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero.
- Gelett Burgess

Clever Yiddish Proverb
Clever Yiddish Proverb

Now check out the Video Joke of the Day...

MilkSnort! The Joke Game logo image

The Perfect Zoom Game!


The game where everybody gets to be funny!

Click Here

The Perfect Zoom Game!

The game where everybody gets to be funny!

Click Here

New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

JokeQuote LAFology!

 Get the funniest new jokes & quotes every month!

Need more Mom Humor? Go here:

Funny Mother Quotes

Mothers Day Jokes

Or go back to Anniversary Jokes

Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny sayings"