Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A guy says to his pal, “I know you love your little daughter, my friend. So how will you handle it when she gets older and wants to date?”
His friend replies, “I’ll pull her date aside and whisper in his ear, ‘That’s my sweet little girl you’re taking out tonight and I love her more than life itself. If you’re even remotely considering kissing her, touching her, or being in any way physically affectionate with her, I just want you to remember this one thing: I don’t mind going back to prison.’”
A single woman inherited a parrot from her brother. She’d never had a pet bird, and wasn’t sure how to care for it. But her brother meant so much to her she decided to keep it.
There was a problem, however. The parrot had learned a lot of very profane language from her brother. Every other word was shamelessly vulgar. The woman was amazed at the number of curse words the parrot knew. Every time she had company, the parrot would cuss a blue streak, and the woman became thoroughly embarrassed.
She did her best to try and teach the bird some better language, but the parrot was undeterred. If anything, its language got worse.
One night she had a date over for dinner, and before she could even pour the wine, the parrot was spewing profanity nonstop.
Her date, a rather proper gentleman, thinking the bird had learned this language from the woman, feigned an excuse and left.
The woman was furious. She grabbed the bird and practically threw it into the freezer. She heard a lot of squawking and thrashing for a few minutes, then total silence.
Thinking she might have killed the parrot, she opened the freezer to find a changed bird. The parrot apologized, promised never to curse again, and asked for forgiveness. Then he said, “By the way, would you mind telling me what the turkey did?”
Interviewer to Coach John McLendon:
Was George Steinbrenner a racist, was he anti-Black?”
No, he was anti-human.
Democracy is the process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J Peter
Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.
- Yogi Berra
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