Funniest Jokes About Turning 40

Funniest Jokes About Turning 40

Jokes about turning 40 to make your milestone a smile-stone, and not a pile of groans. You made it this far - Congrats! Dive into these free clean jokes, funny quotations, and celebrate in style.


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40th Birthday Jokes

Funny Quotations

Happy 40th Birthday!  If you thought being a teenager was tough, try being the parent of one.
Happy 40th Birthday!  If you thought being a teenager was tough, try being the parent of one.

I may be 40, but I feel like a 20 year old when I wake up every morning. Unfortunately, there’s never one around.
- Anonymous

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
- Bob Hope

Now that you’re 40, you can forget about being perky and just be happy to be an automatic drip.
- Melanie White

At 40, your vision starts to go, but there’s a good side: you can’t see what’s happening to your body.
- Anonymous


Jokes About Turning 40:
More Funny Quotations

I see nothing funny about baldness. The fact that I, personally, have reached age 42 without any significant hair loss does NOT mean that I have the right to make insensitive remarks about those of you whose heads are turning into Mosquito Landing Zones.
- Dave Barry

Forty is the age when, even if you have a great build, your stomach decides on a career of its own.
- Anonymous

You may be a bit creaky when you’re 40, but at least you’re not croaking.
- Melanie White

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.
- Barbara Cartland

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become quite routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.
- Dave Barry

Once you hit forty it’s officially okay to sleep with your socks on.
- Greg Tamblyn


Picture of two women touching their toes, caption: At 40 years old, you still have all the moves, you just don't make them as fast. - Melanie White
Picture of two women touching their toes, caption: At 40 years old, you still have all the moves, you just don't make them as fast. - Melanie White


40th Birthday Jokes
:
"Four Turtles"

Four turtles were celebrating their 40th birthdays together, when they ran out of ice cream. They decided the biggest one, Fred, should go to the store and get more. Fred went into the bedroom to get some money.

The rest of them waited for Fred to come back, but after a couple of days they started getting frustrated. The smallest one said, "Poor Fred. Ever since he turned 40 he’s really getting slow."

A voice from the bedroom said, "If you’re gonna start saying bad things about me behind my back, l’m not even going."


Congratulations on turning 40!
Here’s what you can expect:

  • You'd pay good money to be strip searched.
  • For your birthday, you receive your first nose hair trimmer.
  • You start to look like the photo on your drivers license.
  • You instruct the barber never to trim off the hair on the top of your head.
  • At your 20-year college reunion, the fat people are now thin, and vice versa.



Jokes About Turning 40:
More Funny Quotations

I’ve decided to be in my 40’s twice as long as I was in my 20‘s.
- Melanie White

Hey, don't worry. If Dan Quayle can be Vice President at 40, there's hope for you!
- Greg Tamblyn

40 year olds celebrate any time they have more money than bills.
- Melanie White

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them — thus preserving the system.
- Quentin Crewe

I’m a lot more comfortable being 30 now that I’m 40.
- Melanie White

As your body approaches middle age....cellular discipline starts to break down. The newer cells - you know how it is with the young - start to challenge the conventional values of their elders. “What’s so great about sleek and taut?” is what these newer cells would say, if they had mouths, which thank God they do not. They become listless and bored, and many of them, looking for “kicks,” turn to cellulite.
- Dave Barry

At 40, the conventional wisdom is that you’re still reasonably young, but that everything is declining: health, fertility, the certainty that you will one day read “Hamlet” and know how to cook leeks.
- Pamela Druckerman



Plenty of people will turn 40 this year.
And they'll whine and moan about it.
Because that's what old people do.
Plenty of people will turn 40 this year.
And they'll whine and moan about it.
Because that's what old people do.

Jokes About Turning 40:
A Few More Funny Quotations

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
- Victor Hugo

Drinking beer, eating cold spaghetti and wasting time on my computer because the 40's are the new 20’s.
- Ceil Kessler @ceilck

Most of being in your 40's is just looking for places to pee.
- C. @bossy_bootz


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Copyright Notice:

All quotations and other content by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted, unique to this site, and may not be used without permission.


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