Funny sayings for fun-loving, forward-thinking fans of humorous quotations and short clean jokes about Travel, Technology, Reading, Writing, Books, Journalism, TV & Radio, Advertising. Creative thoughts about creative subjects.
You'll find links below to lots more pages about all these topics.
The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
- Fred Allen
Europe is divided between Germany, who doesn't want to spend any money, and France, who wants to blow it all on hookers.
- Andy Breckman
The average age on our [Atlantic] crossing, I’d guess, was well over 60. There was an abundance of wheelchairs, walkers and canes, so many that if everyone had tossed theirs overboard at once they would have created an artificial reef.
- Dwight Garner
The London street system....no street ever goes in the same direction or keeps the same name for more than 35 yards. At that point it veers off in a new direction under a new name, assuming a whole new identity under the London Street Witness Protection Program.
- Dave Barry
Don’t tell my mother I work in an advertising agency. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
- Jacques Seguela
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
- Fred Allen
In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on TV.
- Erma Bombeck
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps unless the billboards fall
I shall never see a tree at all
- Ogden Nash
It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing, when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
- Rod Serling
a man throws an empty cigarette package from an automobile, he is
liable to a fine of $50. When a man throws a billboard across a view, he
is richly rewarded.
- Pat Brown
one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no
news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
- David Brinkley
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
- Ann Landers
One of television’s great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
- Lily Tomlin
You look at TV too long and, boy, after a few hours you want to go out and shoot yourself in the head.
- Tammy Faye Bakker Messner
In 1966, Spencer Tracy was offered the role of The Penguin in the TV series Batman, before Burgess Meredith. Tracy said he would only accept the role if “he was allowed to kill Batman.”
- Phil Proctor
More like this: TV and Radio Humor
What’s the difference between a three week old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.
- Mike Ditka
Never bring a malapropism to a pun fight.
I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.
- Peter De Vries
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
- Steven Wright
These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. If would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
I’d like to apologize to the English language for that sentence.
- Sam Mellinger, after a particularly awkward construction.
More like this:
I am rarely happier than when spending an entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand.
- Douglas Adams
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of 'call waiting'.
- Dave Barry
Do old people know that computers can do other things besides forwarding stuff?
- andy lassner @andylassner
I've had my new iPhone for five minutes, and my old phone already seems like a crazy person I can't believe I dated for years.
- PrincessCandyEmpire @llvvzz
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
- Terry F @daemonic3