Celebrate with humor! Funny birthday wishes, because laughter is the gift that keeps you in the present. Funny quotations for a comical day. Catch some mirth. Honor your birth. For all it's worth!
Happy Birthday! And don’t worry. Being another day older really only matters if you’re a piece of fruit.
Birthday Question: How old do you have to be before you can start blurting out your ailments to complete strangers?
Have a great time on your birthday, and don’t worry about getting old. That happened years ago.
They say only the good die young.
I guess that means we’ll be around forever!
During a typical lifetime, people spend:
2 years waiting at stop lights
3 years on the phone with tech support
5 years in the bathroom
So a few extra days waiting for your birthday present is nothing!
Einstein said that not everything that can be counted counts.
And not everything that counts can be counted.
So stop counting and have a great birthday.
Age is relative!
(I think he said that, too.)
If you wind up in jail after your birthday, here’s how you can tell who your friends are:
Your good friends will visit you.
Your great friends will come up with bail money.
Me? I’ll be in the lower bunk.
Embarrassing birthday for guys:
Your friends hire a stripper, and it turns out to be your Aunt Marge, moonlighting for extra cash.
Happy Birthday! So how old are you now?
(I‘m talking about the parts you were born with.)
Somebody told me you were hard to buy a present for.
But heck, I know where the dollar store is.
On your birthday, resist the temptation to indulge in magical thinking.
Buying a size 4 swimsuit will not make you thinner.
The most important rule for getting a birthday tattoo:
if you want to show it to people, put it someplace where you won’t have to take off your pants.
Birthdays are when you find out who your friends are.
Good news: Everybody I talked to was willing to chip in on this card.
My budget is shot, so I figure the best way I can make your birthday really special is to give you some rug burns.
Birthdays, Group 4
Close your eyes, make a wish, and if you wait long enough, you’ll get exactly what you want: all the kids out of the house.
- Melanie White
Of course I believe in miracles.
I remembered your birthday, didn’t I?
- Melanie White
If all grandmas looked as good as you, nobody would care if they baked cookies.
- Melanie White
We don’t let Grandpa blow out his candles anymore since the year his dentures wound up in the cake.
- Greg Tamblyn
Funny Birthday Wishes:
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.
- Jim Fiebig
Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
- Franklin Pierce Adams
There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
You know you’ve had a great party when you wake up wondering:
Whose yard is this?
How did I get these tattoos?
Where are my clothes?
Happy Birthday! Let’s do something different!
You can be on the bottom.
On your birthday lets try something we never tried before:
All quotations and other content by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted, unique to this site, and may not be used without permission.
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