Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A father is driving his young son to school and asks, “Son, do you know what today is?”
The son says, “Presidents Day.”
Dad says, “That’s right son, very good. And what does that mean?”
The son thinks for a minute, then answers, “It means if the President comes out of the White House and sees his shadow, we get six more months of crap news.”
The owner of the largest construction company in Houston was taking a tour of London. They drove by the Tower of London and the Texan asked, “What’s that?”
The driver said, “It’s the Tower of London. Quite old. It was started in 1346 and finished 66 years later in 1412.”
The Texan said, “A little tower like that? In Houston we could build that in six months.”
A few minutes later they passed the Houses of Parliament.
The Texan asked, “What’s that?”
The driver said, “Those are the Houses of Parliament. They were begun in 1544 and finished 74 years later in 1618.”
The Texan said, “Shoot, in Houston my company could finish something like that in 10 months. A year, tops.”
A few minutes later they passed Westminster Abbey.
The Texan asked, “Now what’s that?”
The driver said, “No idea. It wasn’t there yesterday.”
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Reporters to baseball pitcher Dizzy Dean after he was hit in the head by a ball and knocked out:
How’s your head today?
The Doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West
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