Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Doris Lacey came into the small town newspaper to post an obituary for her husband Jack. The editor remembered Jack, and said it was a shame about his passing. He told her the obits cost a dollar a word.
Being a frugal person, Doris wrote out a two word obituary: “Jack died.”
The editor said he felt like Jack deserved a bit more, and he offered her three more words at no charge.
Doris thanked him and wrote: “Jack died. Boat for sale.”
Two congressmen were standing outside a government building looking up at a flagpole.
A lady walked by and asked what they were doing.
“We need to find out the height of this flagpole," said one congressman, "but we don't have a ladder."
The lady opened her purse, took out a wrench, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, measured the flagpole and said, "Nineteen feet, ten inches.” And with that she walked off.
One congressman shook his head and said, “Lotta good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Reticent Hall-of-Fame Detroit Tigers second baseman Charlie Gehringer was introduced at a banquet in a typically grandiose way. He stepped behind the lectern and said:
“I’m known around baseball as saying very little. I’m not going to spoil my reputation.”
Then he sat down.
When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.
- Richard Armour
Of the seven deadly sins, lust is definitely the pick of the litter.
- Tom Robbins
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