ADVISORY:
The Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings On This Website
Contain Anti-Depressive Material


ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings Contain Anti-Depressive Material.

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Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Photo of phone books on toilet lid with caption:
Photo of phone books on toilet lid with caption:


Jokes Of The Day, #2



Jokes Of The Day, #2

New Twist

A Catholic priest, an Episcopalian minister and a rabbit walked into a bar.

The barman said to the rabbit: “What can I get you to drink?”

“I have no idea”, replied the rabbit. If it weren’t for a typographical error, I wouldn’t even be here.”

(Submitted by Paul Power, Melbourne, AU)


Good Directions

A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked, "What is the quickest way to the lake?”

The local thought for a while. "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the tourist.

"I'm driving.”

"That's the quickest way.”




Funny Saying Of The Day

Funny Saying Of The Day

Photo of laughing zebra with caption:
Photo of laughing zebra with caption:


Jokes Of The Day, #3


Jokes Of The Day, #3

Sophisticated Palette

The owner of a Napa winery needed a new chief taster, so he placed an online advertisement.

The first applicant was a seedy looking, red-nosed guy who seemed to be already in high spirits, so to speak.

The winery owner was dubious, but offered him a taste of their cheapest white.
The guy smelled it, sipped it, swirled it, swallowed it, and said, “It’s a Chenin Blanc, but only average quality. Grown on a north-facing slope, aged in metal containers, maybe two years old. Worth maybe $5 a bottle. I hope you have something better than this.”

The owner was impressed and poured him a glass of red.

“This is a Cabernet, a better wine, grown on an east-facing slope, aged in wooden casks, needs a few more years to bring out its full body. Worth maybe $15 per bottle.” The guy chugged the whole glass.

The owner was even more impressed, and placed a glass of sparkling wine in front of him.

The guy said, “This is the best so far. Light, with a lingering finish of citrus, great freshness and uniqueness. An exceptional wine worth $89 per bottle. I’ll have another glass please.”

The owner was blown away. But he didn’t want to hire this guy because he seemed like the kind of guy that would drink up all the profits.

He gave a look to his female assistant, who seemed to know what to do. She left the room, and came back with a glass of urine.

The guy had a sip, made a face, and said, “It’s a brunette, 28 years old, two months pregnant, and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”




Funny Comeback Of The Day

Funny Comeback Of The Day

Babe Ruth, after being told he made more money than President Herbert Hoover:

"Maybe, but I had a better year than he did."

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Twitter is now valued at $7 billion, which is $1 for every hour of time it has wasted.
- Andy Borowitz


Funny Quote Of The Day

Funny Quote Of The Day

The 1958 Kansas City Athletics lost 81 games. That was, perhaps, the best of all the Athletics teams to play in Kansas City, though this seems a bit like saying that Cocoa Krispies is the healthiest of all the cereals that begin with the word "Cocoa."
- Joe Posnanski


Funny Jokes Of The Day #4:

The Isolation Of Adam
(with apologies to Michelangelo)

Parody watercolor of Michelangelo painting of God touching Adam, with God wearing safety mask and caption
Parody watercolor of Michelangelo painting of God touching Adam, with God wearing safety mask and caption

Original watercolor by Bob Kroeker. Used by permission.


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