Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
True Story: I’m at a party in Florida and chatting with a gal and I ask her what she does.
She says, ”I'm on the bench in Ocala.”
I say, "Oh, so you're homeless."
I never saw a judge laugh so hard.
(Submitted by alert reader Stan Lubowicki)
My priest friend has a weakness for peach brandy, so I left a bottle on his desk as a gift. I knew I wouldn't receive a thank you note, since every one of those had to pass through his secretary, who disapproved of alcohol.
I was very surprised when I opened a note from the parish which read: "Thank you for the thoughtful gift of the peaches; and I greatly appreciate the Spirit in which they were given."
(Submitted by humorous person Mark Berry)
After 5 years, a wife begins to think her son looks nothing like her or her husband, and she decides to have a DNA test done. She learns that their boy is actually from other parents, not even remotely related.
She goes to her husband and says, “Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.”
He says, “Okay, what?”
She says, “According to the DNA test, our son is not our kid.”
He says, “Oh, you don't remember, do you? When we were coming home from the hospital with him, you noticed that he had pooped. You said, "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.” So, I went inside, got a clean one, and left the dirty one there.
Moral: Never give a man a job for which he is not qualified.
Famous singer to Miriam Hopkins:
"You know, my dear, I insured my voice for fifty thousand dollars."
"That's wonderful. And what did you do with the money?"
I grew up in a town so small we didn’t have a town drunk, so we had to take turns.
- Roger Miller
Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
- W. H. Auden
You’ve stumbled into the most comical collection of funny jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings on the planet. Think of it as your Gateway to Big Fun.
No need to slog through dozens of joke sites. The best are right here, whenever you need a hit of humor.
WARNING: The jokes, quotes and sayings on this website exceed humor safety standards and could cause you to squirt latte out your nose.
Click the menu buttons at top for all the categories of jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings.
OR - for a list of every page, alphabetized by subject, visit the Sitemap.
Feel free to Share,Tweet, Like, or Comment on this page with the easy buttons below and at left.
JokeQuote is growing fast!
Over 5,000 visitors a day in just 5 years online.
ADVERTISING ON JOKEQUOTE
For single or multi-page sponsorships,
Contact me here