Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A French spy, a German spy, and an Italian spy are captured, have their hands bound behind their back and are interrogated.
After two hours, the French spy reluctantly gives up all his secrets. After four hours, the German spy tells his captors everything.
But after 24 hours of intense questioning, the Italian still won’t talk and is thrown into a cell with the others.
The German and French spies are ashamed but impressed, and ask him how he managed not to talk.
“I wanted to,” the exhausted man replied, “but I couldn’t move my hands.”
Bernie Adelman is near the end, and fading fast. The doctor tells him he should make his final arrangements. So Bernie calls his family to his bedside, then announces:
“Marian, my loving wife, I want you to take all the apartment buildings on the east side.”
“Lola, honey, take all the condo developments uptown.”
“Seymour, take all the office properties downtown.”
“Herbert, you take all the beach houses.”
Shortly after that, Bernie passes.
A little while later the doctor, impressed by this enormous wealth of property, says to Bernie’s wife, “That’s quite a lot of valuable real estate for one man to have accumulated in a lifetime.”
The wife says, “Real Estate? Like heck! Those are his paper routes.”
Dorothy Parker, upon learning Calvin Coolidge had died:
"How can they tell?"
All BMWs are driven by people who are psychologically unfit to drive anything more powerful than an electric razor.
- Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear, BBC TV show
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head.
- Martin Mull
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