The Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings On This Website
Contain Anti-Depressive Material

These Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings Contain Anti-Depressive Material.

But first, help yourself to the Video Joke of the Day...

Brand New From JokeQuote:

The Easiest Way To Have A Hilarious Party

MilkSnort! The Joke Party Game - Click Here

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Gun Safety Is Important!

Jokes Of The Day, #2

Jokes Of The Day, #2

Hospital Bill

One day at the mall a man fell to the floor clutching his chest. A security guard, suspecting a heart attack, called for an ambulance.

They took him to the closest hospital, which was run by the Catholics. The doctors did an emergency bypass operation.

He awoke to find a nun standing by his bed with a folder full of forms.

She said, “You’ve had a heart attack and the doctors say you should recover completely. Who's your health insurance provider.”

The man said, “Don’t have any.”

The nun said, “Okay then, we’ll need to know your financial situation. How much do you have in savings?”

“No savings, no money.”

“Well then,” the nun said, “how about relatives? Anybody who can help you pay for this?”

“No relatives except my old maid sister who’s a nun, like you.”

The nun shot back, “Nuns are not old maids! We are married to Jesus!”

“In that case,” said the man, “have my brother-in-law pay for it.”

Funny Saying Of The Day

Funny Saying Of The Day

Jokes Of The Day, #3

Jokes Of The Day, #3

First Funeral

A newly ordained minister was asked to do a graveside service for a homeless woman. Figuring he could use the practice, he agreed.

When he got to the cemetery, all he found was an open grave with a couple of workmen and a backhoe waiting to move the dirt. There were no other people, no relatives, no mourners, no funeral director, nobody.

Thinking that the poor dead woman deserved better than this, he decided to pull out all the stops for his eulogy. He preached and prayed, he swayed and moaned, he cried and sighed. He exhorted God to take these human remains, bless them, and welcome their vital essence into heaven for eternity.

After 30 minutes he was out of steam. He gave one final prayer, and walked slowly back to his car.

One of the workmen said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like that, and I’ve been installing these septic tanks for 35 years.”

The Oddly Perfect Humor Gift

MilkSnort!  Joke Party Game

More Info - Watch The Video

Funny Comeback Of The Day

Funny Comeback Of The Day

Random man to Dorothy Parker:
"I can't bear fools."

Dorothy Parker:
"Apparently, your mother could."

Funny Quote Of The Day

Funny Quote Of The Day

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on.
- Sam Goldwyn

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'.
- Woody Allen

Funny Jokes Of The Day #4:


You’ve stumbled into the most comical collection of funny jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings on the planet. Think of it as your Gateway to Big Fun.

No need to slog through dozens of joke sites. The best are right here, whenever you need a hit of humor.

WARNING:  The jokes, quotes and sayings on this website exceed humor safety standards and could cause you to squirt latte out your nose.

Scroll up the red column for all the categories of jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings. (Smartphones: scroll down to see it, or click the Nav button.)

OR - for a list of every page, alphabetized by subject, visit the Sitemap.

Feel free to Share, Tweet, Like, or Comment on this page with the easy buttons below.


Spice up your week with a healthy dose of comic relief!
Sign up for JokeQuote LAFology:
A monthly email of the best short funny jokes and quotes.

JokeQuote is growing fast!
Over 5,000 visitors a day in just 5 years online.
Thank you!

For single or multi-page sponsorships,
Contact me here

You could pay a comedian $3,000 to come to your party and you still won’t laugh as hard or have as much fun as you will with MilkSnort!

Click here to get the skinny!

* Also great for staff meetings and team building.

New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

MilkSnort! The Joke Party Game elevates your endorphins, amplifies your amusement, and improves your digestion.

It's the most fun you can have without whipped cream.

It's only available here at JokeQuote.

Your gang will think you're a genius for discovering it.

Click Here to check it out.

* Also great for staff meetings and team building.