Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Little Johnny’s teacher saw his attention wandering and decided to shake him up. She said, “Johnny, if the United States has 300 million people, and milk is $3 a quart, then how old will I be next year?”
Johnny said, “30.”
The teacher said, “Well, that’s actually pretty close. How did you calculate that?”
Johnny said, “Easy. My sister’s 15 and she’s only half crazy.”
Halfway through the flight the plane started bucking and rocking side to side from air turbulence.
Finally, after a few minutes of calmer air, the flight attendants offered free drinks to the passengers.
One attendant asked an older lady, "Would you like a complimentary cocktail, ma’am?”
“Absolutely!" she said. “Just give me whatever the pilot's been drinking!”
Football commentator to color analyst and former Quarterback Joe Theisman during a broadcast:
“Joe, this quarterback is a football genius.”
"The word 'genius' isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
"If there are any of you at the back who cannot hear me, please do not raise your hands because I'm nearsighted."
- W.H. Auden
"Let me tell you how I prepare for presidential debates. First, I refrain from alcohol for 65 years before the debate."
- Mitt Romney, at the Al Smith dinner
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