Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Betty was cooking a batch of her popular bean stew for the Sunday potluck lunch at church.
While she was out of the kitchen and letting her stew simmer, her young son came racing through the kitchen with his pellet gun and a bagful of pellets. Sure enough, he tripped and the pellets went flying into the stew.
Thinking he might be able to get away with this, and being punishment-averse, he decided not to mention it to his mom.
After church the next day, the stew was a big hit as usual. But later that night Betty got a call from her friend Lulu.
Lulu said, “Betty, your bean stew was fantastic as always, but did you add a secret ingredient this time?”
Betty replied, “Why do you ask, Lulu?”
Lulu said, “Because when I bent over to feed the dog, I shot the parakeet.”
A teenage boy in the grocery store is being followed by a little old lady. She keeps staring at him, and it makes him uncomfortable.
Finally near the checkout area she approaches him.
“I’m sorry to keep staring at you, but you look so much like my son who died in the army. I just can’t help looking at you.”
The boy says it’s okay, and asks her a few things about her son as they wait in line.
The older lady says, “You know, my son always used to say ‘Bye Bye, Mom!’ when I would drop him off at school. I know it’s silly, but if you would say that when I leave the store, I would be so happy.”
He let her go ahead of him through the checkout, and when she was leaving, she turned and waved.
The boy yelled, “Bye Bye, Mom.”
The cashier added up his items and said, “That’ll be $97.40.”
The boy said, “What? I only bought a few things!”
The cashier replied, “I know, but your mom said you were paying for her stuff too.”
Bill Clinton, after Dan Quayle said that he planned to be "a pit bull" in the 1992 presidential campaign:
"That's got every fire hydrant in America worried."
There are over 6,000 human languages remaining in the world, and I can’t talk to my mom in any of them.
- Greg Tamblyn
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips
You’ve stumbled into the most comical collection of funny jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings on the planet. Think of it as your Gateway to Big Fun.
No need to slog through dozens of joke sites. The best are right here, whenever you need a hit of humor.
WARNING: The jokes, quotes and sayings on this website exceed humor safety standards and could cause you to squirt latte out your nose.
Scroll up the red column for all the categories of jokes, funny quotes, and funny sayings. (Smartphones: scroll down to see it, or click the Nav button.)
OR - for a list of every page, alphabetized by subject, visit the Sitemap.
Feel free to Share, Tweet, Like, or Comment on this page with the easy buttons below.
Spice up your week with a healthy dose of comic relief!
Sign up for JokeQuote LAFology:
A monthly email of the best short funny jokes and quotes.
JokeQuote is growing fast!
Over 5,000 visitors a day in just 5 years online.
ADVERTISING ON JOKEQUOTE
For single or multi-page sponsorships,
Contact me here