Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A woman raised chickens out in the country. One year the county paved her road and expanded it into a highway. Suddenly there was lots of traffic. Her free-range chickens were getting run over at the rate of one or two per day.
She complained to the county, so they put up a Deer Crossing sign to slow down the cars. It didn’t work at all.
She complained again, and the county put up a “Slow Down - Hidden Driveway” sign. It seemed the cars went even faster, and she was losing even more chickens.
Finally she asked if she could put up her own sign. The frustrated county officials said yes.
A week later they checked with her. They were surprised to learn her sign was working perfectly. Cars were driving very slowly and she hadn’t lost one chicken.
So the officials went out to investigate and saw this:
Drive carefully and watch for naked chicks.
A guy calls the police station. When they answer, he says,
“I think my wife is missing. She drove to the mall last night and she’s
The cop says, “Okay sir, we’ll need a description. What’s her height and weight?”
The guy says, “I’m not sure. Medium height, not really thin or heavy.”
Cop: “Hair color?”
Guy: “Can’t remember. She changes it all the time.”
Guy: “Jeans, or maybe a skirt. Maybe a sweater. Could have been a jacket, though.”
Cop: “Eye color?”
Guy: “Oh man, I never actually noticed.”
Cop: “Okay, describe the car.”
Guy: “It’s a BMW Z4, sDrive35is, Metallic Deep Sea Blue, Twin Power Turbo inline 6, with the Kansas Leather seats and HP Package, Light Alloy Double Spoke wheels, and...” (his voice catches) “...a 6-inch scratch on the passenger side where she scraped the garage...” (he starts sobbing)
Cop: “Don’t worry, Buddy. We’ll find your car.”
Reporter to Gandhi:
“What do you think of western civilization?”
“I think it would be a good idea.”
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
- David Brent
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