Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Photo sent by Richard Helm, Savannah GA
Three kids were walking home when a firetruck zoomed past. Sitting proudly in the front seat was a Dalmatian.
The oldest little boy guessed they used the dog to keep people back from the fire.
His sister said no, she thought the Dalmatian is just for good luck.
Their little brother said they were both wrong. “They use the dog, “he said, “to help them find the fire hydrant.”
Photo submitted by Richard Helm, Savannah GA
An American man sells all his worldly possessions and goes to India to seek enlightenment. After months of searching he finally finds the perfect guru.
“Master,” he says, “I wish to become enlightened. Please tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
“Very well,” says the guru. “You must go into a cave in the Himalayas and meditate in total silence for 10 years. You cannot say a word to anybody, not even the person who brings your food. At the end of ten years I’ll come to see you and you can say two words to me.”
The man enthusiastically goes to the cave and meditates for ten years. Finally one day the guru comes to see him.
“You’ve been here for ten years, meditating every day in total silence?”
The man nods.
“Very well. What two words would you like to say?”
The man says, “Food...cold.”
“Very well,” says the guru. “Continue meditating exactly the same, in total silence. I’ll be back in ten years and you can say two more words to me.”
Ten years later the guru returns. “You’ve been meditating as I told you in total silence?”
The man nods.
“Very well. What two words would you like to say to me?”
“Bed...hard,” says the man.
“Very well. Keep doing everything exactly the same for ten more years, and I’ll be back.”
Ten years later the master finally returns and asks, “You’ve been meditating every day in total silence, not a word to anyone?”
The man nods.
“Very well. What two words would you like to say to me now?”
“Well I’m not surprised,” says the guru. “All you’ve done since you’ve been here is bitch.”
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George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....if you have one."
Churchill, in response:
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... If there is one."
Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
- George Bernard Shaw
My mother always said, don’t do something you’ll regret later in life. I thought it was great advice, so I had it tattooed on my forehead.
- Emo Phillips
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