Top 25 Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

These funny happy birthday quotes are better than bubble wrap and balloon animals. More clever and comical than a clown or a comedian. Help yourself to a slice of humor!

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

Group 1

Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up. 
- Tom Stoppard
Maturity is a high price to pay for growing up. 
- Tom Stoppard

A funhouse mirror is not a good birthday gift for the missus. I know that now.
- I Was A Teenage Meh! ‏@TheAlexNevil

My dad once said "do what you hate first thing in the morning to get it out of the way," then 2 months later he called me on my birthday at 6am.
- Ariana Lenarsky‏ @aardvarsk

Wife: I forgot to send my dad his 70th birthday card!
Husband: Isn't one enough??

Group 2

What I hate most about aging is what a challenge it became to button up a shirt evenly—I just gave up trying to get it right when I was 35
- Bob Scott C.P.A. ‏@BobScottCPA

My wife was thrilled to get a drawing from my 4 year old so I assume she'll be ecstatic when she opens my $20 gift card from Canadian Tire.
- Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

The lady arrested at Madrid’s airport with cocaine in her breast implants makes me wonder what my wife's backup plan is for my birthday.
- tim donakowski ‏@timdonakowski

I waited until 11:59PM to wish someone a happy birthday on Facebook. I think I made my point.
- Jake Vig ‏@Jake_Vig

Me: Thanks for the $10 gift card for my birthday.
Friend: It was the least I could do.
Me: Yes it was.
- Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit

I'm not officially a year older until I've had cake. These are the rules.
- staceyseniarose @staceyseniarose

I don’t need fireworks on my birthday. In fact, I consider it a good day when things don’t shoot out of my body unexpectedly.
- Melanie White

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes

Group 3

Having a birthday every year is really getting old.
- Melanie White

How old is she? It depends on which parts of the lady we are talking about, monsieur.
- John Le Carre

Years ago we discovered the exact point, the dead center of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

If you don't want to get old, don't mellow.
- Linda Ellerbee

My birthday's this month, and I feel great except for a tendency to want to throw up when I look in the mirror.
- Peg Bracken

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes
Group 4

On her birthday, all a woman ever really wants from a man is presence.
- Greg Tamblyn

For my birthday I got multivitamins & a pair of socks. I was pleasantly surprised that dessert wasn't a birthday candle stuck in some kale.
- Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

If you receive a birthday gift with an “As Seen On TV” sticker on the box, it’s probably from me.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder

I won’t say how old I am, but I will say having this many candles on my cake really blows.
- Melanie White

As I get older, I can truthfully say that I’ve been around the block a few times, but that’s usually because I forgot where I was going.
- Melanie White

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes
Group 5

At some point you reach an age age where, when your underwear creeps up on you, you really like it.
Congrats, you’re there! Happy Birthday!

When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are.
- Cary Grant

Guess what happens when you take all the right vitamins, eat a lot of fiber, work out all the time, and lay off the sauce? Yep, you wind up in the same place anyway. So enjoy your birthday!
- Anonymous

If you're given a birthday card with no money in it and no present attached to it, good manners dictate that the minimum length of time you should act like you're actually reading it is eleven seconds.
- Anonymous

As We Get Older...

Getting a good piece means the very first slice of our birthday cake.

Getting some action means our fiber kicked in.

Getting high means our blood sugar and cholesterol.

New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

More like this page?  We got lots.  Go here:

Funny Birthday Wishes

Funny Birthday Phrases

Funny Birthday Jokes

Hilarious Birthday Jokes

Funny Birthday Card Sayings

Or go back to Birthday Quotes and Jokes

Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"