Funny Christmas Card Sayings

Funny Christmas card sayings - drop some clever quips and crazy cards on your wacky, warped, fun-loving friends. And if you need some for the amusement of your own personal self, these short clean jokes will bring you a big bag of fun.

Funny Stuff:
"Christmas," Group 1

Cartoon of Santa, an elf, and Grinch with caption: "Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

Some businessmen are saying that this could be the greatest Christmas ever.
I always thought the first one was.
- Art Fettig

Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
- Dave Barry

Why were there only three kings at Jesus’ birth?
Elvis had not yet entered the building.

May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.
- Unknown Author

Funny Christmas Card Sayings, Banner with quote: "What do you give a musician for the holidays? A Harmanukkah!"

Funny Christmas Card
Sayings, Group 2

What’s the best part of Christmas shopping?
When you know it’s a wrap.
- Melanie White

Know why this Christmas card is awesome?
It’s not an email.
It’s not a text.
It’s not facebook, snapchat, or pinterest.

If you mistakenly wrap a Christmas present in paper that says “Happy Birthday”...
You can always write “to Jesus” on it.

Tell the kid next door you’re the Christmas Lawyer. You know he’s been naughty...
But if he gives you half his Christmas presents, you can plead him down to “not very nice.”

This Christmas let’s try to keep things in their proper perspective.
After all, credit cards do have their limits.
- Melanie White

My goal this Christmas is to be on both lists: Naughty and Nice.

Why should you teach your kids Christmas carols?
Because they can’t sing and beg for toys at the same time.
- Melanie White

If Christmas and Hanukkah merged, it would be called:
“Let’s celebrate a baby Jew’s birthday!”

Photo of guy wearing Santa hat and devilish grin. Caption: "Holiday Shopping Tip: To save money, buy all your presents in the 'It's the thought that counts' department."

Funny Christmas Card

Sayings, Group 3

You can feel a real let-down after Christmas.
Especially when all you have to look forward to is your New Year’s resolutions.
- Melanie White

Merry Christmas!
Know what the best thing about this card is?
It doesn't come with a fruitcake!

Don’t you just hate the blatant materialism of Christmas?
Aren’t you just dying to know what you got?
- Melanie White

Need more Christmas cheer? Do what I do: ask Santa to bring you some cheerleaders!
- Greg Tamblyn

After-Christmas sales fulfill a vital need.
They give women something to do while men are watching bowl games.
- Melanie White

Christmas shopping for your parents is easy.
Just buy them clothes you wouldn’t get caught dead in.
- Melanie White

Funny Christmas Card

Sayings, Group 4

Banner featuring Quote: "I just want to be rich enough to buy enough ornaments to cover more than one side of the tree."
- Charlotte Christmas @jellybnbonanza

When I was a kid I figured out that my parents were Santa. I still have no idea how they made it to all the houses in one night.
- Kelkulus

Scientists have now discovered the reason for post-holiday depression:
No more presents until your birthday.
- Melanie White

I’m hoping for a magical Christmas this year.
I'm hoping all my relatives will magically disappear.
- Melanie White

If you’re not sure which presents Daddy wrapped, they’re the ones that look like they were delivered by a backhoe.

I asked my grandmother for wireless headphones for Christmas...
and got some really nice ear muffs.

Thank goodness for all the after-Christmas sales.
It’s hard to stop shopping cold turkey.
- Melanie White

This Christmas, practice “defensive shopping.”
Don’t go to the mall after December 20th.
- Melanie White

What’s the best thing about being a kid at Christmas?
Not having to pay for all of your Christmas gifts.
- Melanie White

Short Clean Jokes:
Christmas Cards
, Group 5

Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks?
Because they are Santa’s star bucks.

Why are Christmas trees like people who can’t knit?
They drop their needles.

What do you call a Christmas card from your crazy ex?

If it's cold where you live, today's a good day to break out your "fleece navidad!"
(This joke brought to you by my 10 year old)
- gonnnzo ‏

One year our Christmas card photo features me, and the next year my wife, because somebody has to work the camera.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

Have you ever noticed that making your thoughts count on Christmas... really adds up?
- Melanie White

You know you’ve had a good Christmas...
when you spend more time unwrapping presents than untangling lights.
- Melanie White

I miss the good old days when women thought mistletoe was fun...
and not sexual harassment.
- Melanie White

I prepare kids for the real world by treating their Christmas lists as annual reviews:
“You asked for a 20% raise in gifts. While you met your teeth brushing goal, your peer reviews indicate that you are sometimes a butthead.”
- Betty @BoomBoomBetty

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas ... perhaps ... means a little bit more!"
- Dr. Seuss

Last minute Christmas Gift Idea:
Print out these jokes and tie a bow around the paper!

Image: Cartoon of young reindeer holding candy cane.
Caption: "Kris the Moose loves candy. She's a very merry Kris Moose."

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