The priceless humor and funny jokes on this page milk all the sacred cows of human family hijinks. You gotta find the funny in relationships or move to the planet "Crazy." Great jokes about Men, Women, Dating, Marriage, Kids, Grandparents, and Seniors.
So grab your laptop ($1,000) and hit the local coffee bar for a frappuccino mocha latte grande and gooseberry scone, plus tip ($10), and slurp up some free online jokes that make you snort it all out through your nose while the other javaholics turn green with envy. Priceless! (Links below to lots more jokes about all these topics.)
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
A woman entered her kitchen and found her boyfriend waving a fly swatter. "What in heaven's name are you up to?" she asked.
"Killing flies," he said.
"Oh. Get any?"
"Yep, two males, three females," he answered.
"Oh come on! How do you tell them apart?"
"Two were on a beer can, three were on the phone."
More like this:
Forgot The Keys
An elderly man had dinner at a very nice restaurant. After he finished his wine, he went to the men's room, then walked out through the bar.
It was a beautiful evening, so he decided to leave his car in the parking lot and walk home.
When he arrived at his front door, he realized he didn’t have his keys. He finally figured they must be in his jacket pocket, which was still hanging in the restroom.
He walked back to the restaurant, found his jacket in the men’s room, and realized he’d left his hat on the table.
He strolled back to the dining room to retrieve his hat, and when he got to his table, his wife asked, “Is anything wrong? You took such a long time in there.”
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A young grandson asked his grandfather how old he was, and the grandpa teasingly replied, "Well, I'm not exactly sure how old I am."
The little boy advised, "You have to look in your underwear, Grandpa. Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
More like this:
A female magician made her boyfriend vanish. How?
By asking for a commitment.
You can tell a girl likes you if she stares at your phone instead of her own.
- Kelkulus @Kelkulus
Bad news: I wasted four years responding to personal ads without ever getting a call back. Good news: I finally know what “obituary” means.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser
When you’re wondering whether she’s his daughter or his girlfriend, she’s his girlfriend.
- Pamela Druckerman
There is someone out there for everyone. Unfortunately, statistically speaking, based on the numbers, yours is probably in India or China.
What men don’t realize is how many women date just so they won’t have to cook dinner.
- Melanie White
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