Top 30 Funny Dating Quotes

Top 30 Funny Dating Quotes

Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.

Links to lots more dating humor at the bottom.
Share your own jokes and feedback in the Comment box.


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Dating Quotes

Group 1



I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen

What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren’t many job interviews where you’ll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy


Funny Dating Quotes
Group 2

On a date I wonder if there’s going to be any sex. And if I’m going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling

I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks

My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman

I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, “I could kill you in seven seconds.” I go, “I’ll just have toast then.”
- Margaret Smith

I asked this one girl out and she said, “You got a friend?” I said yes. She said, “Then go out with him.”
- Don Irreva

I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I’ve ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham


Funny Dating Quotes

Group 3

My father always said, “Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.” So on our first date I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha

I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed

I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it “going home in the morning.”
- (Unknown Author)

I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo ‏@Smooheed

You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis ‏@Adar79Angie


GUYS, IF YOU WANT TO DATE MORE TERRIFIC WOMEN:

An “Early Valentine” present from David D.

My friend and colleague David DeAngelo just made an amazing video - that has a very special announcement in it for you:

Around this time of year, we start thinking more about romance and relationships, and David and I thought we’d put something together for you that gives you access to his best training on the topic - and in this video, you’ll learn how you can actually get it for free.

But watch this quick video now, as he's only going to leave this up for a couple of days.  It’s a super-valuable Valentine’s present for you, and I know it can help you get the results you want with women!

Enjoy,

Greg, Head Lafologist at JokeQuote


Funny Dating Quotes

Group 4

The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny ‏@MoneypennyNaked

My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger ‏@Eden_Eats

Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once....God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss ‏@caliluvgirl77

Guy: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you’re smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom ‏@HorribleDancer

My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie ‏@Robert_Beau



Funny Dating Quotes

Group 5

An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus ‏@kelkulus

Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24

[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
"So, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
- Brent ‏@murrman5

Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill ‏@KevinBuffalo

I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate ‏@Juststopkate


Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6

Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
- Melanie White

I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams

Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman

The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0

One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think "That's her, she's the one."
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats


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Copyright Notice:

All quotations by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted,
unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Thank you.

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