Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.
Links to lots more dating humor at the bottom.
Share your own jokes and feedback in the Comment box.
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren’t many job interviews where you’ll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy
On a date I wonder if there’s going to be any sex. And if I’m going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling
I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman
I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, “I could kill you in seven seconds.” I go, “I’ll just have toast then.”
- Margaret Smith
I asked this one girl out and she said, “You got a friend?” I said yes. She said, “Then go out with him.”
- Don Irreva
I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I’ve ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham
My father always said, “Be the kind they
marry, not the kind they date.” So on our first date I’d nag the guy for
a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed
I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it “going home in the morning.”
- (Unknown Author)
I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis @Adar79Angie
The best part about speed dating is
having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track
of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked
My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once....God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77
Guy: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you’re smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom @HorribleDancer
My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
"So, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
- Brent @murrman5
a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she
said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a
skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate @Juststopkate
Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
- Melanie White
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman
The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think "That's her, she's the one."
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
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