Funny sayings for fun-loving, forward-thinking fans of humorous quotations and short clean jokes about Travel, Technology, Reading, Writing, Journalism, TV & Radio, Advertising. Take two or three dozen and call me in the morning. You’ll feel better. Honest.
* Links below to lots more pages about all these.
Short Clean Jokes:
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
- Andy Borowitz
Twitter is the bathroom walls of the Internet.
- Jason King, ESPN.com
human brain is an evolutionary marvel. it starts working before you're
born, and never stops until you try to learn some new software.
- Greg Tamblyn
I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.
- Dave Barry
The Web may be a technological marvel, but to most people who use it for work, it functions like an old-fashioned hamster wheel, except at Internet speed.
- David Carr, NY Times
Before the Internet, if someone disappeared, it meant you should go looking for them. Now it means they got a life.
- Ashish Chauhan @4shish
Funny Song About Technology
(plus a funny t-shirt):
Analog Brain In A Digital World
Funny Sayings: "Advertising"
is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive
and probing, when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve
dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.
- Rod Serling
Don’t tell my mother I work in an advertising agency. She thinks I play piano in a whorehouse.
- Jacques Seguela
When a man throws an empty cigarette package from an automobile, he is liable to a fine of $50. When a man throws a billboard across a view, he is richly rewarded.
- Pat Brown
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission,
- Fred Allen
In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on TV.
- Erma Bombeck
I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps unless the billboards fall
I shall never see a tree at all
- Ogden Nash
"TV and Radio"
one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no
news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.
- David Brinkley
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
- Ann Landers
One of television’s great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
- Lily Tomlin
You look at TV too long and, boy, after a few hours you want to go out and shoot yourself in the head.
- Tammy Faye Bakker Messner
In 1966, Spencer Tracy was offered the role of The Penguin in the TV series Batman, before Burgess Meredith. Tracy said he would only accept the role if “he was allowed to kill Batman.”
- Phil Proctor
More like this: TV and Radio
"Writing and Journalism"
What’s the difference between a three week old puppy and a sportswriter? In six weeks, the puppy stops whining.
- Mike Ditka
Never bring a malapropism to a pun fight.
I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.
- Peter De Vries
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.
- Steven Wright
These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. If would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.
- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
I’d like to apologize to the English language for that sentence.
- Sam Mellinger, after a particularly awkward construction.
More like this: Writers and Writing
Funny Sayings: "Travel"
The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
- Fred Allen
Europe is divided between Germany, who doesn't want to spend any money, and France, who wants to blow it all on hookers.
- Andy Breckman
The average age on our [Atlantic] crossing, I’d guess, was well over 60. There was an abundance of wheelchairs, walkers and canes, so many that if everyone had tossed theirs overboard at once they would have created an artificial reef.
- Dwight Garner
The London street system....no street ever goes in the same direction or keeps the same name for more than 35 yards. At that point it veers off in a new direction under a new name, assuming a whole new identity under the London Street Witness Protection Program.
- Dave Barry