Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Two hikers are climbing a mountain when they come across a bear. One hiker bends to tie his shoes. The other looks perplexed.
“What are you doing?” the second hiker says. “You’re not going to out-run that bear.”
“I don’t have to out-run the bear,” the first hiker says. “I just have to out-run you.”
A precocious 5 year old girl lived with her parents next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew showed up to build a new house on the lot. The little girl was fascinated by this and liked to go watch them.
Being cute and inquisitive, soon she had charmed the crew and they had all adopted her as an honorary member.
They gave her little jobs to do and would reward her with quarters. At lunch time she’d bring her own sandwich and eat with them.
Her parents enjoyed the fact that their daughter was learning something new, and that the crew members were all looking after her and keeping her safe.
After a week the girl had about $10 in quarters, and her mom suggested she open a savings account. When they got to the bank, the manager asked her how she came by so much money.
The girl replied that she’d been helping a construction crew build a new house all week.
“That sounds exciting,” said the manager. “And how about next week? Will you get to keep helping them?”
“Oh yeah,” said the girl. “If those dickheads at Lowes ever get off their butts and deliver the f*ckin’ plumbing.”
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Interviewer to physicist Richard Feynman:
“Can you explain in simple terms what you have done to earn the Nobel prize?”
"Hell, if I could explain it in three minutes, it wouldn't be worth the Nobel Prize."
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
- Charles D. Warner
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- John Benfield
Photo submitted by Richard Helm, Savannah GA
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