The Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings On This Website
Contain Anti-Depressive Material

These Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings Contain Anti-Depressive Material.

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

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Jokes Of The Day, #2

Jokes Of The Day, #2

Living On Retirement Money

Max and Sophie are retired in Florida, and getting ready to go out to dinner.

Sophie says, “Max, should I wear my Dolce dress, or the Versace?”

Max says, “They’re both nice. You choose.”

Later she says, “Max, should I wear my Gucci shoes or the Prada?”

Max says, “Either is fine. Just choose.”

A few minutes later she asks, “Max, what do you think? Pearls or diamonds?”

Max says, “It really doesn’t matter, Sophie. But if you don’t hurry up and get moving we’re going to miss the early bird special.”

Funny Saying Of The Day

Funny Saying Of The Day

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Jokes Of The Day, #3

Jokes Of The Day, #3

One Wish

A single woman was rummaging through an attic and found an ancient oil lamp. She started to polish it a bit when - poof! - a cloud of smoke erupted and a genie appeared.
“At your service,” said the genie.

“Wow! Do I get three wishes?”

“Not these days,” replied the genie. “What with the economic situation, outsourcing, and third-world competition, you’re only allowed one wish.”

“Hmmmm,” she said. “Well, if that’s all I get, I guess I have to wish for something important.” She pointed to an old map on the wall and said, “I wish for peace between all these countries in the Middle East.”

“Lady, are you crazy?” said the genie. “Do you know how ancient that hostility is? Do you have any idea how long those people have hated each other? Those are tribal conflicts going back thousands of years. Look, I’m a little rusty, I’m tired, and I’m hungry. I can’t take that on right now. Choose another wish.”

She considered this, then said, “Okay. I’d like to find a husband. A man who is sensitive, kind, will help with the housework and the cooking, likes my mother, never forgets the little things, doesn’t watch sports, is great looking, a great lover, and desired by all women but only wants to satisfy me.”

The genie looked at her in amazement, sighed, and said, “Okay, which countries in the Middle East?”

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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Funny Comeback Of The Day

Drunk man:
I can’t bear fools.

Dorothy Parker:
Apparently your mother could.

Funny Quote Of The Day

Funny Quote Of The Day

Give me chastity and continence, O Lord. But not yet!
- St. Augustine

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch!
- W. C. Fields

Funny Jokes Of The Day #4:

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