Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A local news director wanted to get the first great video of the forest fires. He ordered his young videographer to charter a plane and get in the air asap.
The eager young video man called a local airport. There was a twin engine Cessna and pilot available. They would be waiting for him.
He rushed to the airport and spotted the Cessna warming up its engines. He ran to it, climbed in, and shouted to the pilot to get going.
The pilot turned into the wind and took off. As soon as they were airborne the videographer told the pilot, “Head straight for the fires at a low altitude so I can get some good footage.”
The pilot looked at him skeptically and asked, “What? You’re kidding.”
“Of course I’m not kidding,” said the video man. “I need some good footage for the 6 o’clock news.”
“The 6 o’clock news!” said the pilot. “So....you mean to say....you’re NOT my new flight instructor?”
At the end of the funeral, the pallbearers picked up the casket to take it to the hearse. One of the pallbearers tripped, the casket slammed into the side of a doorway, and they heard a moan from inside the casket.
They set it down and opened it. Amazingly, the 56 year old woman inside was still alive.
She managed to live another 15 years, then passed away.
At the end of her funeral, the pallbearers hoisted the casket and began to take it to the hearse.
Just then her husband shouted, “Watch out for the doorway!”
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Howard Cosell to Bob Uecker, during a broadcast:
"Uecky, I get your point, but you don’t have to be so truculent. You do know what ‘truculent’ means, don’t you?"
"Of course, Howard. If you had a truck and I borrowed it, it would be a truck-you-lent."
No great conversation ever started with “You know, I was having a salad...”
- Unidentified Dublin Brewery owner
It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
If an alligator is chasing you, the best thing to do is run in a zigzag, because they can’t make turns quickly. This will give you time to ponder your life choices up to now.
- Ellen Degeneres
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