Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
An American guy goes to a tour office in Beijing. He sees a Chinese girl next to a sign that says, “Guided Tours.”
He asks her if she’ll take him on a tour of the city later that afternoon, and she says yes.
He asks for her phone number so he can call her later, and she says, “Wan sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight.”
He says, “What? Wow, that’s really forward!”
The guy at the next counter says, “Sorry pal, that’s her phone number: 1-6-6-6-1-3-6-4-2-9.
Lee Roy had a football scholarship with the Aggies. He was a great football player, extremely popular, but not a very good student.
When it came time to graduate, Lee Roy did not have enough credits. But the students loved him, and staged a huge rally.
They carried signs saying “Let Lee Roy Graduate!” and clogged the campus for days.
Finally the dean relented. He announced that if Lee Roy could answer a single question, he could graduate.
The next day the auditorium was packed. The dean stood on the stage as Lee Roy approached.
“Lee Roy,” said the dean, “I have one question for you. If you can answer it, you’ll graduate with your class.”
Lee Roy said, “Yes, sir. Thank you.”
“Okay then,” said the dean. “Lee Roy, what is four times twelve?”
Lee Roy considered this. He looked at the floor, then at the ceiling, and thought it over.
The Aggie students began to chant, “Graduate Him Anyway! Graduate Him Anyway!”
Lee Roy waved his arm, and the crowd fell silent.
Finally, he said, “I believe the answer is 48.”
There was stunned silence. Then the students began to chant:
“Give him one more chance! Give him one more chance!”
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Admiral Chester Nimitz to General Douglas MacArthur:
“Don’t tell anyone, but I can’t swim.”
MacArthur to Nimitz:
“Don’t tell anyone, but I can’t walk on water.”
If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- John Wayne
If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
- David Brent
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