These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings
Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.

These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Morning Conversation

Sitting at the kitchen table, a man looks up from his crossword and asks his wife, “Mary, why is it that I never know when you’re having an orgasm?”

Mary answers, “Because you’re never there.”

Submitted by JokeQuote reader Lisa Scott, Florida

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Clever Coonhound

An old coonhound is out hunting and gets lost in the woods. Before long a young puma comes walking along the trail.

The dog sees the puma, and knows he can’t outrun it at his age. So he turns his back to it and starts chomping on some old bones by the trail. When the puma is almost on him, the dog says, “That was one tasty puma! But I’m still hungry. I need to kill another one.”

The puma hears this and thinks, “I better get out of here. I’m lucky I didn’t attack that dog.” And he sneaks back up the trail.

Up in a tree, a raccoon has seen this whole episode. He sneaks after the puma, thinking he can strike a deal with the cat: protection for information.

He catches up to the puma, offers the deal and the cat accepts. The coon tells the cat how the dog fooled it, and the puma is furious.

The young puma goes racing back down the trail with the coon trailing behind. The coon can't wait to see an old coonhound finally get his due.

The dog sees them coming, turns around, and chomps on the bones again. When the cat is almost on him, he says, “I’m starving! Where the heck is that coon? I told him to go bring me another puma.”

Moral: youth and skill are no match for age and cunning

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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Writer Edna Ferber liked wearing tailored suits. She showed up at a hotel wearing a suit very much like the one Noel Coward had on.
Coward said, “Edna, you look almost like a man.”

Ferber replied, “So do you, Noel.”

Funny Quote Of The Day

I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
- Ashleigh Brilliant

Funny Saying Of The Day

I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

A peeping Tom looked in my window and pulled down the shade.
- Joan Rivers

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #4:

Bob Dylan in the early days:


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