The Funny Jokes, Quotes, And Sayings On This Website
Contain Anti-Depressive Material.
Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Jokes Of The Day, #2
Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef
1 four-pound beef roast
1 two-pound beef roast
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.
When the little one burns, the big one is done.
Funny Saying Of The Day
Jokes Of The Day, #3
Punishment Fits The Crime
A cranky, obnoxious older man was caught shoplifting at the supermarket. He became unruly and insulting, so the police were called. They took him to the station, and later that day he appeared in court.
The judge asked him what he had stolen and why.
“I was hungry and forgot my wallet, so I took a little old can of beets, that’s all.
“How many beets were in that can?"asked the judge.
“I don’t know. Maybe six or seven," said the old man.
“Then I’m sentencing you to seven days in jail," announced the judge. “One day for each beet."
Just then a meek little old lady raised her hand and coughed.
“Yes ma’am, what is it?" asked the judge.
“I’m his wife," replied the lady.
“Do you have something to say?" asked the judge.
“Yes sir. He also stole three cans of peas."
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Funny Comeback Of The Day
After Albert Einstein heard a colleague make a critical comment about his legendary lack of interest in dressing fashionably, the great physicist quipped:
"It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it."
Funny Quote Of The Day
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
- George Burns
Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
- George Best
Funny Jokes Of The Day #4:
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WARNING: The jokes, quotes and sayings on this website exceed humor safety standards and could cause you to squirt latte out your nose.
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