Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Two turtles had a collision. The police identified a snail as the only witness.
When they asked the snail for an account of what happened, the snail said, “I can’t say for sure. It was all a blur, it happened so fast.”
A haggard, tired-looking man went to a psychiatrist. The man said he couldn’t sleep. He was terrified of something being under his bed at night.
The psychiatrist offered to cure him with weekly visits for a year, at $200 apiece.
The man said he’d think about it.
A month later, the psychiatrist saw the man in a coffee shop. He looked happy and well rested.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me about your phobia?” asked the psychiatrist.
The man replied, “Well, after I left your office I stopped at a bar for a drink. I told my problem to the bartender, and he cured me.”
“A bartender cured you? How did he do that?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”
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Marty Brill to Dean Martin: Why do you drink so much?
Martin: I drink to forget.
Brill: That’s sad.
Martin: It could be sadder.
Brill: What could be sadder than drinking to forget?
Martin: I could forget to drink.
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
- (Unknown Author)
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