ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings
Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.

ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1



Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Head On

An older driver pulled up to a stop light. Just past it the road was under construction. It was blocked off to one lane, with a stop light at both ends.

When his light turned green, he proceeded into the single lane.

About the same time, a guy in a truck started coming toward him. When they met in the middle, the guy in the truck leaned out the window and shouted, “I don’t back up for idiots!”

The older guy leaned out his window and shouted back, “That’s okay. I do.”


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Grounds For Divorce

A county judge asks a woman, “Exactly what are your grounds for divorce?”

She says, “About seven acres and a lovely three-bedroom home with a pond.”

“That’s not what I mean,” the judge says. “What’s the foundation here?”

“I think it’s stone and cement,” she replies.

“No no,” he says. “You and your husband. Tell me about your relations.”

“My parents live nearby, and so do my husband’s cousins. We see them often.”

Exasperated, the judge asks, “Come on now. Do you have some kind of grudge?”

“Yes, we have a two-car garage. We have two cars in it, too.”

“Oh Jeez,” he says. “Listen, I’m asking about infidelity. Any of that in your marriage?”

She replies, “We used to have a stereo for the kids, but now they have iPods, so we gave it away.”

“Look,” he says. “Let me ask it this way. Has he ever beaten you up?”

“No,” she answers. “I’m the morning person. I’m always up and making breakfast by the time he wakes up.”

Completely frustrated, the judge asks, “Ma’am, why is it exactly that you want to be divorced from your husband?”

She says, “Me? I don’t want a divorce. My husband is the one who wants it. He complains we can’t communicate.”




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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Attorney in courtroom:
"Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
"

Coroner:
"All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight."


Funny Quote Of The Day

China and India may lead us in technology and manufacturing, but they can't touch our nail-care Groupons.
- Andy Borowitz


Funny Saying Of The Day

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.


Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Bumper Sticker:
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE BUT WILLING TO TALK SPORTS


Jokes Of The Day #4:


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