ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1



Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Getting To Enlightenment

An American man sells all his worldly possessions and goes to India to seek enlightenment. After months of searching he finally finds the perfect guru.

“Master,” he says, “I wish to become enlightened. Please tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“Very well,” says the guru. “You must go into a cave in the Himalayas and meditate in total silence for 10 years. You cannot say a word to anybody, not even the person who brings your food. At the end of ten years I’ll come to see you and you can say two words to me.”

The man enthusiastically goes to the cave and meditates for ten years. Finally one day the guru comes to see him.

“You’ve been here for ten years, meditating every day in total silence?”

The man nods.

“Very well. What two words would you like to say?”

The man says, “Food...cold.”

“Very well,” says the guru. “Continue meditating exactly the same, in total silence. I’ll be back in ten years and you can say two more words to me.”

Ten years later the guru returns. “You’ve been meditating as I told you in total silence?”

The man nods.

“Very well. What two words would you like to say to me?”

“Bed...hard,” says the man.

“Very well. Keep doing everything exactly the same for ten more years, and I’ll be back.”

Ten years later the master finally returns and asks, “You’ve been meditating every day in total silence, not a word to anyone?”
The man nods.

“Very well. What two words would you like to say to me now?”

“I...quit.”

“Well I’m not surprised,” says the guru. “All you’ve done since you’ve been here is bitch.”



There's more fun to come, but first let me ask you:

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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Exiting New York’s Algonquin Hotel, Robert Benchley asked the uniformed man on the sidewalk to get him a taxi.

The man took offense and replied indignantly, "I'm not a doorman!
I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy."

Benchley quipped, "All right then, get me a battleship.”


Funny Quote Of The Day

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.
I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen


Funny Saying Of The Day

Wine improves with age: the older I get, the better I like it.


Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest?
- George Carlin


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3


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