ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings
Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.

ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1



Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Road Trip

A couple were on a cross-country car trip. They stopped at a restaurant for an early dinner. Afterward, they got back on the highway to drive 90 miles to their motel.

About 50 miles down the road, the wife realized she’d left her reading glasses at the restaurant. The husband, who was driving, groaned in frustration.

He turned the car around, then whined and moaned all the way back to the restaurant. He complained nonstop about her constant forgetfulness.

When they finally got back to the restaurant, she opened the car door to go get her glasses.

The husband said, “While you’re in there, you might as well grab my coat and my wallet.”


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Need A Push

At 4 AM a husband and wife are startled awake by a loud banging on their front door. The husband gets up, grabs his robe, and answers the door. Standing there in a downpour is a stranger, obviously intoxicated.

The stranger asks, “Can I get a push?”

“No way,” says the irate husband. “It’s four in the morning!” He slams the door shut and goes back to his warm bed.

His wife asks, “Who was that?”

“Some drunken idiot wanting a push,” he replies.

The wife asks, “So, you helped him out?”

“Of course not!” the husband replies. “It’s the middle of the night, cold, and pouring down rain.”

The wife says, “Honey, are you forgetting when those strangers helped us out a few weeks ago? Our car broke down and we were stranded miles from nowhere. This is your chance to pay it back. God will smile on you.”

The husband sighs, realizes she’s right, gets up, and puts on some clothes and boots. He goes to the front door, opens it, and yells into the darkness, “Hey, are you still out there, and do you still need a push?”

“Yes!” answers the drunken voice.

“Where the heck are you?” asks the husband.

“On your swing set,” says the drunk.




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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Interviewer to Peter Ustinov:
“Why would an actor of your renown make American Express commercials?”

Ustinov:
"To pay for my American Express card."


Funny Quote Of The Day

First sip of coffee now finally turning on brain cells. Realizing I'm driving without my pants.
- Jeff Tamblyn


Funny Saying Of The Day

An expectation is just a resentment waiting to happen.


Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

How are a Tennessee divorce and a Texas tornado alike?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.


Jokes Of The Day, #4:

Without Music, Life Would Be...

Photo of Rock 'n Roll legend Roddy Jackson


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