Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
Photo sent by Richard Helm, Savannah GA
Wife nudges sleeping husband in the middle of the night, whispers, “Honey, wake up!”
He mumbles, “What is it?”
“I hear noises in the kitchen. I think it’s burglars. I think they’re eating the meatloaf I left out.”
“Serves ‘em right,” he says, and goes back to sleep.
Father Michael walked out to the street to retrieve the mail from the mailbox. He immediately recognized his brother’s handwriting on an envelope. He opened it to find a letter that said simply, “Heaven helping!” folded around a $100 bill.
Father Michael smiled at this nice gesture from his wealthy brother.
Just then he noticed a man loitering nearby. This man regularly came to mass, but Father Michael knew him to be in dire straits. He walked over to the man, handed him the note wrapped around the $100 bill, and said, “I believe you can put this to good use.”
The next day Father Michael answered a knock at the rectory door. He opened it to find the same man from the day before.
The man greeted Father Michael, then handed him a huge roll of $100 bills.
“What’s this?” Asked Father Michael.
“It’s your winnings,” replied the man. “Heaven Helping paid 80 to 1 in the fifth."
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WWF Referee to pro wrestler Chief Big Heart in the middle of a match:
“Don’t use your foot!”
Chief Big Heart:
“What do you mean? I’m only stepping on his head.”
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- Carl Zwanzig
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers
Photo submitted by Richard Helm, Savannah GA
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