ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings
Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.

ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte Out Your Nose.


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1


Photo submitted by Dave Clark Photography


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Mind Matters

One morning at breakfast, Marian looks at her husband, sighs, and says, “Harold, I think my mind is going.”

Harold replies, “Can’t say I’m surprised, Marian. Every day for 40 years you’ve been giving me a piece of it.”


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Legal Translation

The mafia Don is angry. His deaf bookkeeper may have connived to steal over a hundred grand.

He takes his lawyer, who knows sign language, to “interview” the bookkeeper.

“Tell him I want my money,” says the Don.

The lawyer translates it in sign language, and the bookkeeper signs back.

“So what’s he say?” asks the Don.

The lawyer tells the Don, “He says ‘What money?’”

The Don is furious now, and pulls out a pistol. He puts it to the bookkeeper's head and says, “Tell him he’s got three seconds to give me my money or his brains are going to decorate his curtains.”

The lawyer translates, and the bookkeeper panics. He signs, “Okay, okay! There’s $150,000 in a box in my garage! Tell him not to shoot!”

"So?" asks the Don.

The lawyer turns to the Don and tells him, “He says there’s no way in hell you got the balls to shoot him.”




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Funny Comeback Of The Day

George Bernard Shaw to his wife Charlotte:
“Isn't it true, my dear, that male judgement is superior to female judgement?”

Charlotte:
"Of course, Dear. After all, you married me and I married you."


Funny Quote Of The Day

When you’re sure you’re right, you’re stuck with what you already know.
- Bowen White, MD


Funny Saying Of The Day

You're never too old to learn something stupid.


Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

Hey - your fly is open!
It’s no big thing, though.


Jokes Of The Day #4:


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