Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
A man gets on the elevator and sees one other person: a stunning woman. She’s a total knockout. He gives her the once over, then the twice over. The elevator starts moving, he looks her over again.
She says, “Well I guess I can tell what YOU want.”
He replies, “You’re gorgeous. Of course I want you.”
She says, “I’m on the top floor. If you can make me feel like a woman before we get there, I’ll invite you in.”
The guy scrambles for an idea. Then as fast as he can, he takes off all his clothes.
He wads them up, gives them to her and says, “Here, wash these.”
(Sent by JokeQuote reader Lisa Scott, Gainesville, USA)
MICROSOFT: Enter a new password
MICROSOFT: Your password must contain more than 8 characters
USER: grilled sardines
MICROSOFT: Your password must include at least one numerical character
USER: 5 grilled sardines
MICROSOFT: Your password must not contain blank spaces.
MICROSOFT: Your password must include at least 1 upper case character
MICROSOFT: Your password must not include more than 1 upper case consecutive character
MICROSOFT: Your password must not include punctuation
MICROSOFT: That password is already in use.
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Howard Cosell to Bob Uecker, during a broadcast:
Uecky, I get your point, but you don’t have to be so truculent. You do know what ‘truculent’ means, don’t you?
Of course, Howard. If you had a truck and I borrowed it, it would be a truck-you-lent.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
- David Brent
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.
- Woody Allen
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