ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings
Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.

ADVISORY:
These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1



Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Senior Mall

A couple of young Florida entrepreneurs were setting up their wares in their new store. The store was located in a mall that was popular with seniors.

They didn’t have any displays up in the windows yet, and one of the young owners remarked sarcastically that they’d surely get some nosy old folks coming by asking what kind of store it is.

A minute later, just like clockwork, an older guy stops, cups his hands to the window, peers in, sees the two guys, and yells, “Hey, what are you guys selling in there?”

The other young guy yells back, “Idiots and jerks.”

“Oh,” yells the senior. “Business must be good. Only got two left.”


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Chest Full of Gold Coins

A man is walking along a beach when he hears a deep voice from the heavens say, “DIG!”

He looks around but can’t see anybody. He hears the voice again, “DIG!”

So he starts digging a hole in the sand and after a minute he finds a chest with a rusted lock.

The deep voice says, “OPEN!”
 So he finds a rock, breaks the lock, opens the chest, and finds a fortune in gold coins.

The voice says, “CASINO!”

Not believing his good fortune, but now totally trusting the voice from the heavens, he hops in his car and makes a beeline for the casino. He walks in and hears the voice again, “ROULETTE!”

So he changes all the gold into an enormous stash of chips and heads straight for the roulette table. The other roulette players are wide-eyed.

He hears the deep voice say, “TWENTY-SEVEN!”

So he puts the whole pile on 27. The croupier spins the wheel. Everybody is breathless in anticipation. The ball bounces around like crazy.

Finally the ball lands on 26, then bounces up onto the divider between 26 and 27. It hovers there, looks like it might fall onto 27, but after a long, breathless minute it falls back and stops for good on 26.

The man hears the deep voice say, “SHIT!”




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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Man:
How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman:
Unfertilized.


Funny Quote Of The Day

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
- Sam Levenson


Funny Saying Of The Day

When the path ahead of you is uphill, surrounded by rough spots, hazards and obstacles; use a pitching wedge.


Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

I didn't like the play. But I saw it under unfavorable circumstances. The curtains were up.
- Groucho Marx


Funny Jokes Of The Day, #4:


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