Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1
During the Cold War, there was a foot race between a Russian and an American.
The American won.
The American papers reported that he won.
The Russian press reported that the Russian came in second, and the American came in next to last.
A market researcher for Vaseline Petroleum Jelly was going door-to-door asking people how they used his company’s product. He knocked at one door and it was opened by a young mother with a couple of toddlers.
The researcher told her what he was doing and asked, “Have you ever used Vaseline?”
“Oh sure,” said the mother. “The kids’ father and I use it several times a week.”
“Great,” said the researcher. “Would you mind telling me how you use it?”
The mother replied, “We use Vaseline for sex.”
Surprised at her honesty, he said, “Most folks tell me things like they use it for the baby’s diaper rash or a rusty hinge, but I can see from their embarrassment that they use it for sex. So thanks for being honest. Would you mind being a little more specific?”
“No problem,” she said. “We slather it all over the bedroom doorknob so the kids can’t get in.”
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Socialite to Mae West:
Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!
Goodness had nothing to do with it.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- Groucho Marx
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
- Woody Allen
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