These Funny Jokes, Quotes, and Sayings Could Make You Squirt Latte out Your Nose.

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #1

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #2

Missing Wife

A guy calls the police station. When they answer, he says, “I think my wife is missing. She drove to the mall last night and she’s still gone.”

The cop says, “Okay sir, we’ll need a description. What’s her height and weight?”

The guy says, “I’m not sure. Medium height, not really thin or heavy.”

Cop: “Hair color?”

Guy: “Can’t remember. She changes it all the time.”

Cop: “Clothing?”

Guy: "Jeans, or maybe a skirt. Maybe a sweater. Could have been a jacket, though.”

Cop: “Eye color?”

Guy: “I never actually noticed.”

Cop: “Okay, describe the car.”

Guy: “It’s a BMW Z4, sDrive35is, Metallic Deep Sea Blue, Twin Power Turbo inline 6, with the Kansas Leather seats and HP Package, Light Alloy Double Spoke wheels, and...” (his voice catches) “...a six inch scratch on the passenger side where she scraped the garage...” (he starts crying...)

Cop: “Don’t worry, Buddy. We’ll find your car.”

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #3

Lunch At Hooters

A guy is trying to keep his eyes on his menu at Hooters, but the waitresses are all hot. Finally one of them comes over and asks him what he’d like.

He smiles, looks her over, and answers, “I’ll have a quickie.”
She mutters, “Oh, brother,” and walks off.

Eventually she comes back to his table and asks, “Okay now, what would you like to order?”

He looks her over again, top to bottom, and says, “I told you, a quickie.”

Tired of this nonsense, she loses her cool, slaps him hard, and stomps off.

A guy at the next table says, “Hey buddy, I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche.’”

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Funny Comeback Of The Day

Guy: "I'm pretty sure I've seen you at another place."
Girl: "You have. That's why I never go there."

Funny Quote Of The Day

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- Unknown Author

Funny Saying Of The Day

Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers.
What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.

Funny One-Liner Joke Of The Day

They say we only use ten percent of our brain. Just imagine if we used the other sixty percent.
- Ellen Degeneres

Funny Jokes Of The Day, #4:


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