Birthday quotes and jokes that take the cake. No need to fake it - shake it and bake it till you make it a real celebration with funny stuff like this: 21st, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 65th, 80th, and General Birthday Humor. Cheers!
* Links at the bottom to lots more pages about birthdays.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck
The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
- Richard J. Needham
Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
- Andy Borowitz
Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.
- Greg Tamblyn
The number one cause of death is too many birthdays.
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you was?
- Satchel Paige
I’ve got everything I had 20 years ago, except now it’s all lower.
- Gypsy Rose Lee
Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.
- Melanie White
Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o'clock.
- Ronald Reagan
Guess what happens when you take all the right vitamins, eat a lot of fiber, work out all the time, and lay off the sauce?
Yep, you wind up in the same place anyway. So enjoy your birthday!
The Power of Prayer
Little Jimmy was shouting out a prayer for his birthday. “Please God, all I want for my birthday is a new X-Box. Thank you.”
His mom walked in and said, “Jimmy, why all the shouting? God isn’t deaf.”
“I know,” said Jimmy. “But Grandpa is.”
A husband and his wife were out shopping. The wife suddenly remembered that her mother’s birthday was coming up. She said,
“Honey, can we look around for a birthday present for mom? She wants something electric.”
The husband replied, “Sure, honey. How about a chair?”
"Birthdays" Group 3
you're given a birthday card with no money in it and no present
attached to it, good manners dictate that the minimum length of time you
should act like you're actually reading it is eleven seconds.
Don’t give me scratch-off lottery tickets for a present and then say, “If you win, we have to split it.” No, that’s not how presents work. I don’t buy you boots and then ask for the left one back or wine coolers and then keep two. Have some etiquette.
You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
- Melanie White
I’ve been asked to pose for Penthouse on my 100th birthday. Everybody is going to be sorry.
- Dolly Parton
Birthday Quotes and Jokes, Group 4
Birthdays really take the cake . . . and add it to your stomach.
- Melanie White
They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.
- Malcolm Cowley
Happy birthday Cher! For your birthday, I'm sending you a DVD of my favorite movie about a talking pig. I got you Babe.
- Ellen DeGeneres
The first fact about the celebration of a birthday is that it is a way of affirming defiantly, and even flamboyantly, that it is a good thing to be alive.
- G. K. Chesterton
Having a birthday is a lot better than not having one.
Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”
- Kin Hubbard
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