Cool Quotes About Life, Inspiration,
Money, Success, and more

Cool Quotes About Life, Inspiration, Money, Success, and more

Humorous to hilarious cool quotes for hot topics. Funny quotations about Civilization, Humanity, Work, Death, Life, Inspiration, Money, Success. Relax, have some laughs. Your brain will thank you.

Links below to lots more pages about all these topics.
Share your own jokes or feedback in the Comment box.


Funny Inspirational Quotes


If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps

The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.
- Franklin P. Jones

When things go wrong, don't go with them.
- Elvis Presley

If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
- Edgar Watson Howe

More Funny Inspirational Quotes




Cool Quotes About Life

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers ‘Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.’
- Charles M. Schulz

Life is short. Use the good towels.
- || Susan || ‏@onascaleof1210

More like these:

Funny Life Quotes

Cute Life Quotes

Funny Quotes On Life

More Funny Quotes About Life

Funny Inspirational Quotes About Life




Short Clean Jokes:
Civilization, Humanity

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager.”
- William S. Burroughs

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
- Bernard Bailey

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
- Benjamin Franklin



Funny Quotations: "Success"

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- David Brent

Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.
- Anonymous

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

I want to be successful enough to board with group A.
- Eden Dranger ‏@Eden_Eats

More Funny Success Quotes




Funny Quotations: "Work"

I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
- David Brent

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says “W.T.F.”
- Phil Proctor

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
- Homer Simpson

We work to eat to get the strength to work to eat to get the strength to work.
- John Dos Passos

More Funny Quotes About Work   

Boss Jokes



Cool Sayings: "Death"

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
- Woody Allen

Little boy to old man: “Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.”
- (From a cartoon by Dave Coverly, speedbump.com)

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor


Cool Quotes: "Money"

That money talks, I'll not deny,
I heard it once: it said, 'Goodbye.'
- Richard Armour

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
- Errol Flynn

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
- Marty Allen

You don't need to interpret tea leaves stuck in a cup
To understand that people who work sitting down
Get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash


* Note: For some of the best cartoons and very funny writing, check out The Funny Times


A Message From JokeQuote's Greg Tamblyn:

Learn Secrets Most Men Will Never Know
About Women and Dating

“Guys, this is no joke. Dating Mastery has helped me meet and attract some of the coolest women you can imagine. One is a former Miss Indiana from the Miss America pageant. We dated for five years. Another is a stunning doctor from France. (And I’m an average looking guy.)

This is the best dating advice I've ever seen, and right now it’s FREE!”


$685 Holiday Gift For You - Free!

David DeAngelo, the author of “Double Your Dating,” wants to wish you very happy holidays!
 
To celebrate, he’s put together a mind-blowing FREE gift package especially for YOU...
 
David handpicked 3 of his most powerful training programs… each one dedicated to making YOUR dreams of success with women, dating, and relationships come true in 2017.
 
To get them all, watch this new video that David made for you:
 
VIDEO: $685 Holiday gifts from David D.
 
Check it out now, and enjoy the gifts!
 
- Greg
 
P.S. Due to the nature of some of these gifts, David can only offer them until midnight on December 31st. Get your gift now before it’s too late…


New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

Return from "Cool Quotes" to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"