Humorous to hilarious cool quotes for hot topics. Funny quotations about Civilization, Humanity, Work, Death, Life, Inspiration, Money, Success. Relax, have some laughs. Your brain will thank you.
Links below to lots more pages about all these topics.
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If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps
The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.
- Franklin P. Jones
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
- Elvis Presley
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
- Edgar Watson Howe
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers ‘Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.’
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is short. Use the good towels.
- || Susan || @onascaleof1210
More like these:
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager.”
- William S. Burroughs
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
- Bernard Bailey
There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen
We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
- Benjamin Franklin
Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- David Brent
Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin
I want to be successful enough to board with group A.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
- David Brent
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says “W.T.F.”
- Phil Proctor
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
- Homer Simpson
We work to eat to get the strength to work to eat to get the strength to work.
- John Dos Passos
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
- Woody Allen
Little boy to old man: “Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.”
- (From a cartoon by Dave Coverly, speedbump.com)
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor
That money talks, I'll not deny,
I heard it once: it said, 'Goodbye.'
- Richard Armour
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
- Errol Flynn
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
- Marty Allen
You don't need to interpret tea leaves stuck in a cup
To understand that people who work sitting down
Get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash
* Note: For some of the best cartoons and very funny writing, check out The Funny Times