Humorous to hilarious cool quotes for hot topics. Take a break with these short clean jokes. Funny quotations about Civilization, Humanity, Work, Death, Life, Inspiration, Money, Success. Relax, grab a snack, have some laughs. Your brain will thank you.
Links below to lots more pages about all these topics.
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If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps
The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.
- Franklin P. Jones
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
- Elvis Presley
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
- Edgar Watson Howe
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
- Brendan Gill
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers ‘Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.’
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is short. Use the good towels.
- || Susan || [email protected]
More like these:
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager.”
- William S. Burroughs
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
- Bernard Bailey
There are two types of people in this world: good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Woody Allen
We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
- Benjamin Franklin
Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
- David Brent
Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin
I want to be successful enough to board with group A.
- Eden Dranger [email protected]_Eats
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
- David Brent
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says “W.T.F.”
- Phil Proctor
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
- Homer Simpson
We work to eat to get the strength to work to eat to get the strength to work.
- John Dos Passos
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
- Douglas Adams
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
- Woody Allen
Little boy to old man: “Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.”
- (From a cartoon by Dave Coverly, speedbump.com)
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
- Garrison Keillor
That money talks, I'll not deny,
I heard it once: it said, 'Goodbye.'
- Richard Armour
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
- Errol Flynn
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
- Marty Allen
You don't need to interpret tea leaves stuck in a cup
To understand that people who work sitting down
Get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash
* Note: For some of the best cartoons and very funny writing, check out The Funny Times
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