Funny kids jokes featuring their unfiltered wisdom. Not sure how many are true, but they’re all from kids and they’re all funnybone ticklers.
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Grandfather: “Little Frank, are you still praying for a baby brother?”
Little Frank: “Yeah.”
Grandfather: “Well, how’s it going?”
Little Frank: “Not too good. I think Mom’s praying against me.”
Teacher: Alison, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Teacher: Matt, your report on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's. Did you copy hers?
Matt : No Ma'am. It's exactly the same dog.
Teacher: Minnie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
Minnie: I is...
Teacher: No, Minnie. Always say, "I am."
Minnie: Okay. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Teacher: Mikey, why are you always so dirty?
Mikey: I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, James, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
James: Because George still had the axe in his hand?
Teacher: Bobby, what is the chemical formula for water?
Bobby: H I J K L M N O.
Teacher: Bobby, what are you talking about?
Bobby: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
The actor Paul Newman started his Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for kids with blood diseases, AIDS and cancer.
One day Paul and his wife Joanne Woodward dropped in to eat lunch with all the children.
One counselor sitting at the next table thought that many of these kids would not realize Paul Newman was world-famous as a movie actor. So he announced to the kids, “Paul Newman here started this camp for all you kids. Have you seen his picture on the popcorn jar?”
The kids all stared blankly.
So the counselor said, “Gosh kids, surely you’ve seen his face on the lemonade carton.”
An second-grader piped up, “How long was he missing?”
A grandmother and her young granddaughter went to the Natural History Museum.
They looked at all the mounted animals: lions, tigers, giraffes, elephants, hippos, hyenas, big-horned sheep, and zebras.
When they got home, the little girl’s grandfather asked her what she saw there.
She said, “A dead circus.”
Teacher: Carol, do you say your prayers before eating?
Carol: No, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Jake, how do you spell "crocodile?"
Teacher: No, that's wrong.
Jake: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
Teacher: Billy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Billy: You told me to do it without tables.
Teacher: Jeannie, Why are you late?
Jeannie: Class started before I got here.
Teacher: Mona, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer listening?
Mona: A teacher.
What do you get when you cross a kitten with a magazine?
What do you call an avocado with an antenna?
A guac-y talkie.
Who were the first people ever to eat pie?
Two skunks walk into a church. The minister says, "Let us pray."
The first skunk says to the second skunk, "You heard the man!"
Who is bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?
Answer: The baby is a little Bigger.
What does Long John Silver do before going to bed at night?
He puts his ship on auto-pirate.
What's black and white and hides in a cave?
A zebra that owes money.
Where do butchers dance?
At the meatball.
Where do tough chickens come from?
- Sent by JokeQuote reader Cameron Benner
A three-year-old boy was spending time with his aunt and uncle. He tended to blurt out whatever was on his mind, and had to be reminded to say things politely.
One day when his aunt had guests for lunch, he burst into the room and announced said, “Aunt Mary, I need to pee.”
Aunt Mary walked him to the bathroom and told him, “Please don’t say it that way, Honey. When you need to go pee-pee, say, 'I need to whisper.’”
The next night, when his aunt and uncle were asleep, he crawled into their bed, tapped his uncle, and said, “Uncle Joe, I need to whisper.”
Groggy Uncle Joe said, “Okay, but let’s don't wake up Aunt Mary. You can whisper in my ear.”
I was teaching piano to a 5 year old boy who would not sit still. While I was writing down his lesson, he darted under the piano bench and asked, "Am I done yet?"
I calmly replied, "No, Luke."
This being his first lesson, he squirmed from side to side on the bench, and I thought to myself, "Patience is a virtue!"
Then I recalled his mother telling me he was a reflective & spiritual child. After he darted up & down the stairs, I sat him down and said "Luke, do you want to pray until I'm finished writing this?"
And he said wide eyed, "Really? I can pray!"
As I finished, out of the corner of my eye I saw him finish his prayer. Curious, I asked him if it was a private prayer between him and God, or if he would like to share it.
Beaming he said "Oh, I can tell YOU! I was just asking God when this piano lesson will be over!"
Out of the mouths of babes.
- Submitted by JokeQuote reader Miss Josette, Livonia Michigan, USA
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