Cute Quotes: Love, Friendship,
Men and Women, Kids, Seniors

Funny cute quotes about family fun and dysFUNction. Float your boat with free clean jokes that find the funny in relationships: Love, Marriage, Men, Women, Divorce, Parents, Kids, Grandparents, Aging, Seniors, Friendship. With enough good quotes and jokes you’ll never have to sink or swim.

* Links below to lots more pages about all these.



Love Quotes

Love doesn't make the word go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
- Franklin P. Jones

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
- Linda Barry

I’m looking for someone who will love me for who I think I am.
- Tim Lachowski (from a cartoon)

Funny Love Sayings    Cute Love Sayings and Quotes


Free Clean Jokes:
Friendship Quotes

True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent.
- Erwin T. Randall

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Philips

I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.
- Guy Endore Kaiser

More Funny Friendship Quotes


Quotes About Men

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
- Dave Barry

Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy is because men are so stupid.
- George Carlin

If men could choose the gender of their unborn children, the human race would die out in a single generation. But we’d get a few decades of incredible football.
- Ruminations.com

More Funny Quotes About Men



Quotes About Women

Ah women, they make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent.
- Friedrich Nietzche

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
- Kin Hubbard

Those people who have no trouble separating the men from the boys are called women.
- Howard Tamplin

More Hilarious Quotes About Women


Cute Quotes About Marriage

These days, “happily ever after” means both parties remember to take their meds.
- Greg Tamblyn

We’re happily married. We wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at each other.
- Bob Hope

When he comes home at night and I hear his key in the lock I say to myself, "Oh good! The party’s about to begin."
- Ann Bancroft, on being married to Mel Brooks

More Funny Marriage Quotes

Hilarious One Liners About Marriage


Quotes About Divorce

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My husband and I had a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved. Him. And I didn’t want custody.
- Wendy Liebman


Cute Quotes About Parents and Family

Parents are not interested in justice, they want quiet.
- Bill Cosby

Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college.
- Tom Mason

The other day, Mom said, “Notice anything different about me?” Which of course made me nervous. A man wants to come up with the right answer to this question. You don’t want to say, “You got a haircut,” if the correct answer is that her leg was amputated.
- Garrison Keillor


Quotes About Kids

This spring I participated in a sailing race from South Carolina halfway across the Atlantic to Bermuda....for seven days, non of us slept for more than three hours at a time. Which is how Stalin broke his enemies. And how infants break their parents.
- Stephen Colbert

You never know what you’re going to get, and children have their own personalities immediately. I was watching little kids on a carousel, some kids were jumping on the horses, some kids were afraid of the horses, and some kids were betting on the horses.
- Rita Rudner

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child’s room late at night hates Legos.
- Tony Kornheiser

Cute Quotes and Sayings by Kids


Quotes About Grandparents

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
- Sam Levenson

Theres nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in heredity.
- Doug Larson

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense.
- Gene Perret


Quotes About Aging

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Tom Stoppard

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
- George Burns

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

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