Cute Quotes: Love, Friendship,
Men and Women, Kids, Seniors

Cute Quotes: Love, Friendship, Men and Women, Kids, Seniors

Clever, cute quotes about family fun and dysFUNction. Float your boat with free clean jokes that find the funny in relationships: Love, Marriage, Men, Women, Divorce, Parents, Kids, Grandparents, Aging, Seniors, Friendship. With enough good quotes and jokes you’ll never have to sink or swim.

Links below to lots more pages about all these.

Cute Quotes: Love

Love doesn't make the word go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
- Franklin P. Jones

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
- Linda Barry

I’m looking for someone who will love me for who I think I am.
- Tim Lachowski (from a cartoon)

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
- Laurence J. Peter

Funny Love Sayings

Cute Love Sayings and Quotes

Free Clean Jokes:
Friendship Quotes

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all of his friends went to the funeral ... in one car.
- Steven Wright

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends.
- Kin Hubbard

You got friends, then you got your best friend. Big difference. To me, a friend is a guy who will help you move. A best friend is a guy who will help you move a body.
- Dave Attell

The best way to eat a mango is in the shower with a friend.
- Greg Tamblyn

More Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny Friend Quotes

Quotes About Men

Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you.
- Mae West

Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy is because men are so stupid.
- George Carlin

If men could choose the gender of their unborn children, the human race would die out in a single generation. But we’d get a few decades of incredible football.

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.
- Dave Barry

More Funny Quotes About Men

Quotes About Women

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
- Kin Hubbard

Those people who have no trouble separating the men from the boys are called women.
- Howard Tamplin

I bet after that female NFL ref throws a flag, they'll ask her what's wrong and she'll say, "Nothing."
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

Ah women, they make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent.
- Friedrich Nietzche

More Hilarious Quotes About Women

Cute Quotes About Marriage

We’re happily married. We wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at each other.
- Bob Hope

When he comes home at night and I hear his key in the lock I say to myself, "Oh good! The party’s about to begin."
- Ann Bancroft, on being married to Mel Brooks

These days, “happily ever after” means both parties remember to take their meds.
- Greg Tamblyn

When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad.
- Helen Rowland

More Funny Marriage Quotes

Hilarious One Liners About Marriage

Funny Dating Quotes

Funny Dating Jokes

Quotes About Divorce

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
- Robin Williams

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My husband and I had a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved. Him. And I didn’t want custody.
- Wendy Liebman

Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.
- Rita Mae Brown

More Funny Divorce Quotes

Cute Quotes:
Parents and Family

75% of parenting is just trying to locate the bad smell.
- JeanneMarie ‏@jeannerbeaner

When your children are teenagers it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.
- Nora Ephron

Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college.
- Tom Mason

The other day, Mom said, “Notice anything different about me?” Which of course made me nervous. A man wants to come up with the right answer to this question. You don’t want to say, “You got a haircut,” if the correct answer is that her leg was amputated.
- Garrison Keillor

Quotes About Kids

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
- Sam Levenson

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child’s room late at night hates Legos.
- Tony Kornheiser

This spring I participated in a sailing race from South Carolina halfway across the Atlantic to Bermuda....for seven days, non of us slept for more than three hours at a time. Which is how Stalin broke his enemies. And how infants break their parents.
- Stephen Colbert

You never know what you’re going to get, and children have their own personalities immediately. I was watching little kids on a carousel, some kids were jumping on the horses, some kids were afraid of the horses, and some kids were betting on the horses.
- Rita Rudner

Cute Quotes By Kids

I'm not rushing into being in love. Fourth grade is hard enough.
- Regina, Age 10

My three-year-old just told me she’s a ninja. I told her she’s not very good because I can see her. She said, “Only because I want you to.” Now I’m scared.

5 year old: "Dad, where's mom?"
Me: "She's in her room."
5 year old:  "Why? What did she do?"
- Aristotles ‏@AristotlesNZ

5 year old: "Daddy, is mommy the boss of you?"
Me: "NO"
5yo: [confused look]
Me: "Yes"
- Father With Twins @FatherWithTwins

Cute Quotes and Sayings by Kids

Quotes About Grandparents

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
- Sam Levenson

Theres nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in heredity.
- Doug Larson

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense.
- Gene Perret

The simplest toy, which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
- Sam Levenson

Quotes About Aging

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Tom Stoppard

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
- George Burns

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
- Kinky Friedman

I’m so old that when I order a three-minute egg they make me pay up front.
- Henny Youngman

Funny Senior Jokes

Clean Funny Senior Citizen Jokes

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