Funny Voting Quotes and Funny Election Quotes

If voting weren't such a big deal, there wouldn't be so many really funny voting quotes and election quotes. So enjoy these while you make a plan to make a difference.

Funny Voting Quotes, Group 1

Drain Commissioner?

Funny Voting Quotes: Election yard sign saying," I like Mike Revard for Drain Commissioner." 
Caption below sign: "He must really need a job"

The U.S. is 240 years old. No wonder we have difficulty achieving and maintaining an election.
- Rick Aaron

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian

We'd all like to vote for the best man, but he's never a candidate.
- Kin Hubbard

America is a place where any kid who grows up and befriends an insane billionaire to buy ads for them can be President.
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Voting Quotes, Group 2

Voting for the Libertarian candidate is exactly the same as staying home, except that it involves going outdoors.
- Gail Collins

People come down to Florida all the time. Most of them, sooner or later, decide to leave, but the stupid ones can’t figure out how to do this. So they remain, and in time are issued ballots.
- Dave Barry

The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

They hold elections in November because it’s the best time for picking out a turkey.
- Maxine (from Hallmark)

I vote because it gives me the right to complain about the outcome.
- WhatserName™ @IamEveryDayPpl

This Might Just Save Your Party...

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Funny Voting Quotes, Group 3

If God had wanted us to vote, he’d have given us candidates.
- Jay Leno

We have a presidential election coming up. The big problem, of course, is that someone will win.
- Barry Crimmins

I haven’t voted since 1964, when I voted for Lyndon Johnson, the Peace candidate.
- Gore Vidal

It’s not the voting that’s democracy, it’s the counting.
- Tom Stoppard

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half have never voted for president. One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal

In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.
- Mogens Jallberg

Funny voting quotes: "Vote Early and Vote Often" - Al Capone

Funny Voting Quotes, Group 4

I’d never run for president. I’ve thought about it, and the only reason I’m not is that I’m scared no woman would come forward and say she’d had sex with me.
- Garry Shandling

I don't like the idea of a few TV debates deciding the election. That's what the billion dollars of attack ads are for.
- Andy Borowitz

Knowing how protected vital American computer systems are against hackers, I’m waiting for the Election Day the screen tells me my candidate is stuck in Nigeria, and desperately needs a money order to get home and take office.
- Kevin Baker

Perhaps instead of voter ID laws, the USA might want to try voter IQ laws.
- Kelkulus ‏@kelkulus

Elections in the US make us ask the same question we ask of online dating: is this really all that's out there?
- Andy Borowitz

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
- Robert Orben

Funny Voting Quotes, Group 5

Something I like to do when I'm voting is tell to turn to the person at the stall next to me and whisper, "What did you put for number 3?"
- Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22

They had us insert our completed ballots into something that looked a lot like a shredder.
- William Ader

In the last election, 95 million people took time off from work to vote, and 60 million of them did.
- Unknown Author

If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.
- Emma Goldman

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
- W.C. Fields

Our family constitution gives a veto to the women's caucus, and there is no override provision.
- Gov. Mitch Daniels of Indiana, announcing that he would not seek the Republican nomination for president, partly because his wife and four daughters had deep reservations about campaigning.

Funny Election Quotes, Group 6

Election yard sign: Vote Jill Cranney-Gage for Mosquito Control Board District 1.
Caption below sign: This election bugs me.

It's election time, and once again you have to remember, isn't it amazing how many wide open spaces there are, entirely surrounded by teeth?
- Henny Youngman

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
- Jon Stewart

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

Voting is like choosing your favorite mosquito out of a swarm.
- Maxine, of CrabbyRoad, by Hallmark

Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.
- Joseph Stalin

Voting in this election is like trying to decide which street mime to stop and watch.
- Whitney Brown

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