Funny Christmas Sayings
Holiday cheer? Right here. These Funny Christmas Sayings will chuckle you up and cheer your cup. Funny quotations and free clean jokes for all the festivities. Injoy!
Share your own Christmas Humor or feedback in the Comment box.
Funny Sayings:
"Christmas," Group 1
Zen Christmas: the gift of nothingness.
Why is Christmas like a day at the office?
Because you do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day - the birth of Santa?
- Bart Simpson (Matt Groening)
How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
One Jesus, one Mary, and 33 wise guys.
Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 2
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
- Andy Borowitz
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
- Melanie White
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry
Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
- Bridger Winegar
Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.
- Melanie White
I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.
- Earthman Adam @AdamOfEarth
If you can't wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.
- A Guy Named Kelly @kellysdf
This Might Just Save Your Party...
Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 3
I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
- Winston Spear
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
- Andy Borowitz
Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.
- Melanie White
This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.
- Guy Endore Kaiser
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson
I don’t mind fruitcakes. They’re the one thing during the holidays I’m not tempted to eat.
- Melanie White
Free Clean Jokes
"Christmas" Group 4
Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.
- Carol Nelson
My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
- Dave Barry
A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.
- Melanie White
I’ve never really understood why Jews go out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but I think it’s because so many Chinese restaurants have the word “temple” in their names.
- Dan Zevin
Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.
- Melanie White
The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.”
- John Leo
Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 5
The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our 'top of the food chain' claim is invalid.
- Linda in Disguise @LindaInDisguise
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for twenty minutes.
- Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
- Larry Wilde
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
- Kin Hubbard
There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
- Conan O’Brien
If you watch a lot of infomercials, there's a good chance you'll already know how to work any gift you get from me.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder
In the birth of Jesus story,
One thing we’re never told:
What happened to the frankincence
And myrrh, and all that gold?
- Greg Tamblyn
Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 6
It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin!
- Melanie White
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
- Bob Phillips
The Holidays are the one time you get to experience all the excitement of rush hour traffic in the mall parking lot.
- Melanie White
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
- Andy Borowitz
Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!
- Ogden Nash
More Christmas Cheer? Go here:
Christmas Humor Quotes For Curmudgeons
Or go back from "Funny Christmas Sayings" to "Anniversary Jokes"
Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"
MilkSnort
is not only a great gift, it's the most fun you can bring to the party.
The game where EVERYBODY
gets to be funny!
In person or online.
Head Lafologist
Greg Tamblyn, N.C.W.
(No Credentials Whatsoever)
JokeQuote LAFology!
Get the funniest new jokes & quotes every month!
Newest Fun Stuff
-
Hilarious Practical Joke Ideas
Get 'em back with a laugh attack! Great practical joke ideas for the office, dates, weddings, spouses, and more. Hilarious pranks for harmless laughs. -
12 Famous April Fool Pranks
Famous April Fool pranks that fooled millions. Classic humor from governments, corporations, and clever people like you. No foolin'! -
Top 30 April Fool Jokes
"Some see my brain as half empty but I see it as half fool." April Fool Jokes, pranks, and one-liners for maximum fun and foolishness. -
Funniest Irish Joke Collection
"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar... No really, it could happen!" Irish jokes for funny folks who dig the Emerald Isle. -
Funny Irish Sayings
"May the road rise up to meet you, and may you never have to sleep beneath the Riverdance rehearsal hall." Funny Irish Sayings - clever Hibernian humor. -
Funny Irish Jokes
"Why do the Irish Dance with their arms at their sides? Because it's a small island." Funny Irish Jokes: more fun than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. -
St Patricks Day Jokes
"May the wind at your back not be from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch." St Patricks Day jokes that get you in the spirit without the need for spirits. -
Top 40 New Year Jokes and Funny Quotes
"Going to a New Years Eve party without wearing a tracking device is just asking for trouble." Get high on these new year jokes and you won't get a hangover. -
Short Hilarious Jokes
Short hilarious jokes to feed your brain and keep you sane. Inject your cranium with some very funny jokes to prevent hyper-seriosity. -
Best Short Retirement Jokes
"Your secrets are safe with your friends - they can't remember them either." Short retirement jokes. Mucho laughs a day keep the retirement blues away.
New! Comments
Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.