Funny Christmas Sayings

Funny Christmas Sayings

Holiday cheer? Right here. These Funny Christmas Sayings will chuckle you up and cheer your cup. Funny quotations and free clean jokes for all the festivities. Injoy!

NOTE: Many more pages of Christmas jokes, quotes, sayings here - links at the bottom!

Share your own Christmas Humor or feedback in the Comment box.

Funny Sayings:
"Christmas," Group 1

Zen Christmas: the gift of nothingness.

Why is Christmas like a day at the office?
Because you do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day - the birth of Santa?
- Bart Simpson (Matt Groening)

How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
One Jesus, one Mary, and 33 wise guys.

If you can't wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.
- A Guy Named Kelly ‏@kellysdf

I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.
- Earthman Adam ‏@AdamOfEarth

Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 2

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
- Andy Borowitz

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
- Melanie White

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
- Bridger Winegar

Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas.
- Melanie White

Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 3

I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
- Winston Spear

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
- Andy Borowitz

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.
- Melanie White

This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.
- Guy Endore Kaiser

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson

I don’t mind fruitcakes. They’re the one thing during the holidays I’m not tempted to eat.
- Melanie White

Free Clean Jokes
"Christmas" Group 4

Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.
- Carol Nelson

My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
- Dave Barry

A Christmas miracle is when your family doesn’t get into a single argument all day.
- Melanie White

I’ve never really understood why Jews go out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but I think it’s because so many Chinese restaurants have the word “temple” in their names.
- Dan Zevin

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.
- Melanie White

The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: “Some assembly required.”
- John Leo

Funny Christmas Sayings
Group 5

The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our 'top of the food chain' claim is invalid.
- Linda in Disguise ‏@LindaInDisguise

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for twenty minutes.
- Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
- Larry Wilde

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
- Kin Hubbard

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
- Conan O’Brien

Funny Quotations
"Christmas" Group 6

It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin!
- Melanie White

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
- Bob Phillips

The Holidays are the one time you get to experience all the excitement of rush hour traffic in the mall parking lot.
- Melanie White

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
- Andy Borowitz

Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!
- Ogden Nash

Comment ~ Share ~ Like ~ Tweet ~ Follow

Submit your own Joke in the Comment Box

New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

More Christmas Cheer? Go here:

Top 20 Best Christmas Jokes

Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Jokes

Clean Christmas Jokes

Funny Christmas Songs

Xtra Funny Xmas Jokes

Top 30 Christmas One-Liners

Santa Jokes

Funny Christmas Card Sayings

Christmas Party Jokes Games

Or go back from "Funny Christmas Sayings" to "Anniversary Jokes"

Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"