Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny friendship quotes for fast fun and friendly foolishness. Short clean jokes that'll feed your funnybone and amuse your mates. Semper Fi!

Short Clean Jokes:
Friendship, Group 1

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
- Garry Shandling

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
- Aaron Machado

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Country song title

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people”
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Friendship Quotes
Group 2

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.
- Otto von Bismarck

True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent.
- Erwin T. Randall 

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
- A.E. Houseman

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Philips

It is important for our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.
- Mignon McLaughlin

I'm the last of my guy friends to have never gotten married, and their wives don't want them to play with me. I'm like the escaped slave, I bring news of freedom.
- Bill Maher

I could see that Jim (actor James Garner) was very neat around his place. Flowers trimmed, no papers in the yard, grass always cut. So, just to piss him off, I'd start lobbing empty beer cans down the hill into his driveway. He'd have his drive all spic and span when he left the house, then get home to find all these empty cans. Took him a long time to figure out it was me.
- Steve McQueen

Funny Friendship Quotes

Group 3

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser

Friendship is a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.
- Randy K. Milholland

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
- Andy Borowitz

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.
- Greg Tamblyn

Funny Friendship Sayings

Group 4

Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family.
- Bruce White

I don’t like half the folks I love.
- Paul Thorn

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

I lost my Christmas list and now I can’t remember who my friends are.
- Anonymous

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-  Bilbo Baggins (J. R. R. Tolkien)

Short Clean Jokes:
Friendship, Group 5

A real friend is the guy who goes first when the fishing tales break out.
- Anonymous

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

Friends are great. Friends are wonderful. Friends who can cook are like winning the lottery.
- Greg Tamblyn

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter.
- Gelett Burgess

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.
- Dave Barry

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.
- Voltaire

Funny Friendship Quotes
Group 6

A true friend is one who lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor’s.
- Anonymous

If you lend a friend five dollars and never see him again, it was worth it.
- Anonymous

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Unless your friends are on twitter.
- Greg Tamblyn

A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.
- Kin Hubbard

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
- Anonymous

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