Funny Quotes Or Sayings: Technology

Funny Quotes Or Sayings: Technology

These funny quotes or sayings will un-strain your brain and de-stress your mess from trying to tweet, text, email, upload and download all at the same time. Hilarious stuff about technology - if you just relax. Come on, you can do it! Shut it all down for awhile and have some laughs. You deserve it.

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Hilarious Stuff:
Technology Quotes, Group 1

1. Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
- Andy Borowitz

2. I'd rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.
- Craig Coelho

3. “User” is the word used by the computer professional when they mean “idiot.”
- Dave Barry

4. What did people do when they went to the bathroom before smart phones?
- Aaron Cobra Mervis ‏@FeelingMervis

5. Each time I shut my computer down, I throw my head back in maniacal laughter and scream "Fool! I was only using you!"
- Bridger Winegar

6. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips

7. The problem with quotes on the internet is you can never be certain they're authentic.
- Abraham Lincoln

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 2

8. AT&T to wed T-Mobile. Following the ceremony there will be no reception.
- Richard Lerner

9. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
- Paul Ehrlich

10. Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten minutes.
- Conan O’Brien

11. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
- Andy Borowitz

12. The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called “LinkedIn.”
- Dave Barry

13. Compulsive texting gives me the willies. It’s just another form of butt scratching.
- Garrison Keillor

14. In a perfect world, answering machines would come with a “Get to the point” button.
- Jason Love

Funny Song (and t-shirt) About Technology:

Analog Brain In A Digital World

Hear a sample - Click Here

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 3

15. Rapper Zapper App: remote control that instantly short circuits anything operating way too loud: hip hop from giant speakers in cars, cell phones of clueless idiots with booming voices, and all Harley Davidson motorcycles.
- Greg Tamblyn

16. What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK.
- Dave Barry

17. I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise. I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.
- Unknown Author

18. We had the Greatest Generation, the Boomers, Generation X, Generation Y, and now: Generation Text.
- Greg Tamblyn

19. I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
- Andy Borowitz

20. My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.
- Damien Fahey

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 4

21. My brother doesn’t have to give parental advice to his kid any more. His kid’s phone has an app for that.

22. Our society will never go entirely paperless. There’s always the bathroom.

23. Technology has really changed parenting. There’s a whole generation of kids whose only childhood memory of their dad will be his bald spot bent over a Blackberry.
- Kate Deimling

24. My computer could be more encouraging. You know, instead of "invalid password", why not something like, "Ooooh, you're so close!"?
- Lisa Porter

25. Are you, or is someone you know, a gadget freak? If so, you doubtless know that Wednesday was iPhone 5 day, the day Apple unveiled its latest way for people to avoid actually speaking to or even looking at whoever they’re with.
- Paul Krugman, NY Times

26. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
- Sid Caesar

27. We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
- Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes or Sayings:
"Technology" Group 5

28. In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.
- Peter Sagal, NPR, “Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!”

29. Google is really powerful. Type in the question “Is there a God?” and it tells you, “THERE IS NOW.”
- Greg Tamblyn

30. Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
- Andy Borowitz

31. Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"
- Andy Borowitz

32. Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
- Andy Borowitz

33. All I have to do to empty shopping carts online is click a button. It's way easier than the grocery store, where I have to knock them over.
- Bridger Winegar

Very Funny Jokes:
"Technology" Group 6

34. Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
- Andy Borowitz

35. I don't even know what "Java" is, but I let it do whatever it wants to my computer. I feel like a slut.
- Dave Barry

36. The last time there was this much excitement about a tablet, it had some commandments written on it.
- The Wall St. Journal, on the unveiling of Apple’s iPad

37. My mom actually believes I'm dating a girl named Siri.
- Kelkulus @Kelkulus

38. To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver.
- Dave Barry

39. My daughter is way more excited about the iPhone upgrade than she was about -- for example -- her own birth.
- Dave Barry ‏@rayadverb

40. Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
- Dave Barry

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Copyright Notice:

All quotations by Greg Tamblyn and Melanie White are copyrighted,
unique to this site, and may only be used with permission. Thank you.

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