Funny Quotes About Writing

Funny quotes about writing, writers, and the whole crazy world of words. Humorous quotes that’ll inspire you to write either a great piece of prose....or your last will and testament.

Humorous Quotes About
Writing, Group 1

From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

I wrote a few children's books. Not on purpose.
- Steven Wright

I get a lot of letters from people. They say: "I want to be a writer. What should I do?" I tell them to stop writing to me and get on with it.
- Ruth Rendell

If writers were good businessmen, they’d have too much sense to be writers.
- Irvin S. Cobb

If Moses were alive today he’d come down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments and spend the next five years trying to get them published.
- Anonymous

Funny Quotes About
Writing, Group 2

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.
- Stephen King

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
- Doug Larson

Writers don’t have lifestyles. They sit in little rooms and write.
- Norman Mailer

Learn to write. Never mind the damn statistics. If you like statistics, become a CPA.
- Jim Murray

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.
- S.J. Perelman

Image of cartoon bookworm on stack of books with caption by William Safire: "Never ever use repetitive redundancies. Don't use no double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."

Funny Quotes About Writing
Group 3

Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
- Gene Fowler

If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

Real seriousness in regard to writing is one of two absolute necessities. The other, unfortunately, is talent.
- Ernest Hemingway

Writing is so difficult that I often feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment thereafter.
- Jessamyn West

I was sorry to hear my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I am not feeling very well myself.
- Mark Twain

Funny Quotes About Writing
Group 4

All autobiographies are alibi-ographies.
- Clare Booth Luce

The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.
- Mary Heaton Vorse

The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering.
- Tom Waits

The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
- J. Frank Dobie

An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory.
- Franklin P. Jones

Funny Quotes About
Writing, Group 5

Long, hard slog today writing the Great American Tweet.
(That was it...what do you think? Pulitzer?)
- Greg Tamblyn

A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn't allow it to spoil your lunch.
- Kingsley Amis

Unless a reviewer has the courage to give you unqualified praise, I say ignore the bastard.
- John Steinbeck

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
- Christopher Hampton

The only time I'll get good reviews is if I kill myself.
- Edward Albee

"We had so much fun playing this!"

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Humorous Quotes:
"Writing" Group 6

As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.
- Calvin Trillin

Listen up, Internet: there is no "h" in "wacky." Got that? THERE IS NO "H" IN "WACKY." Thank you.
- Dave Barry

Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.
- Ernest Hemingway

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
- Josh Billings

Alimony is the curse of the writing class.
- Norman Mailer

Funny Quotes About
Writing, Group 7

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
- Philip Guedalla

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.
- Quentin Crisp

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
- Groucho Marx

Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
- Fran Lebowitz

Revising a story down to the bare essentials is always a little like murdering children, but it must be done.
- Stephen King

Writing Jokes, Group 8

Never let a bad memory get in the way of a good memoir.
- Joanie Levenson

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
- Flannery O’Connor

It's splendid to be a great writer, to put men into the frying pan of your imagination and make them pop like chestnuts.
- Gustave Flaubert

Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public.
- Paulo Coelho

All literature is gossip.
- Truman Capote

Humorous Quotes About
Writing, Group 9

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.
- Dr. Samuel Johnson, to an aspiring writer

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
- A. J. Liebling

There's not much to be said about the period except that most writers don't reach it soon enough.
- William Zinsser

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
- Robert Benchley

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am a grown up they call me a writer.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer

Funny Quotes About Writing: Banner with caption: "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever."

Funny Quotes About
Writing, Group 10

Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Don't use no double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- William Safire

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
- Mark Twain

Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.
- Ashish Chauhan ‏@4shish

Did you hear about the little boy who ended a sentence with 5 prepositions? He said, "What are you bringing that book that I don't want to be read to out of up for?"

Let me see if I can put it in words that even the inebriated might understand.
- Tom Robbins

Funny Quotes About
Writing, Group 11

When Thoreau wrote: "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" shouldn't he have edited it down to "Simplify!"?
- CrankyPappy ‏@CrankyPappy

He does not so much split his infinitives as disembowel them.
- Rebecca West

I am a writer. If I seem cold, it 's because I am surrounded by drafts.
- (Unknown Author)

How many writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in,
One to sharpen all the pencils in the house,
One to make more coffee,
One to call a friend to chat,
And one to complain that there's never time to do any writing.
Wait, that's only five — that's why they need editors.

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