Best Valentines Day Jokes Poems

These Valentines Day Jokes Poems will add power to your flowers. Got a sweetie with a sense of humor? This funny stuff might get you over the hump, so to speak. Some here that work for ex-valentines, too.

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Valentines Poems,
Group 1


It's true I'm hard-headed
Like a coconut shell
Or a walnut that's tough
To crack open as well
But I just want to say
You're more than a buddy
You're the sweet inner fruit
And I love you nutty


It was a wonderful evening
Of romance and love
It felt like forever
Yet still not enough
Just one more sweet thing
That needs to be said
I think my underpants
Are under your bed

Valentines Day Jokes
Poems Group 2


Apples are red,
Pears are chartreuse.
I remembered,
What's your excuse?


Over the rainbow and out of the blue
I was amazed to find someone like you
It felt so bizarre, yet magically funky
With your crazy friends and those flying monkeys

Your life is a movie that's always premiered
But living inside it is just too weird
I’ll love you forever, but I had to push “pause”
Until you come back from the Land of Oz.

(All poems ©2012 Greg Tamblyn. All rights reserved)

Valentines Day Jokes Poems:


(Modern conflict resolution)

©2004 Greg Tamblyn, Richard Helm

I could tell that it was more than just a simple lover’s spat
When she called me compulsive, and blamed my Mom for that
I yelled "I’m not the only one around here with hangups, gal"
And thus began the Shootout at the I’m OK, You’re OK Corral

She called me a Martian, said I couldn't relate to Venus
Then she made some crack about the size of...the gulf between us
I yelled "radical forgiveness would not be your salvation"
It wasn't what you'd call non-violent communication

Ain’t no doubt about it, it was down and dirty now
It was tense, and hair-triggers, at the I’m OK, You’re OK Corral

I could tell that she was closing in for the kill
When she started quoting Oprah, and spouting Doctor Phil
I knew that it was time to bring in my own hired guns
So I invoked the spirit of Sigmund Freud, and Carl Jung

I suggested loudly that she was anal retentive
She shouted I was emotionally unintelligent
Considering her anger, I said that was pretty funny
She hit me with a copy of "How To Love Women...for Dummies"

I felt just like a mean old gunfighter facin’ down a former pal
Friends, the hot lead was flyin’ at the I’m OK You’re OK corral

We were dangerously close to the tipping point
When I heard my inner voice chime in: time to make a choice
So I said "Let’s negotiate, before we get too beat up,
If you’ll put the cap on the toothpaste, I’ll quit leaving the seat up"

Funny Valentines Jokes Poems. Image reads: "Saving The World From Whiny Victim Love Songs"

Voted "Best Comedy Song"
in the Music City Song Festival.
To hear this song, download it,
or preview the whole album of
funny songs for FREE
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Valentines Day Jokes Poems:

©2004 Greg Tamblyn

They were a beautiful couple
They built a fantasy bubble
A comfortable pair, who found love there
For the taking

They painted fabulous pictures
Of their glorious future
They were meant to be, it was destiny,
They were fated

Until one day...

Her honesty issues
Triggered his trust issues
Which set off her self-esteem issues
Which hooked his judgment issues

Which fueled her fear of criticism issues
Which got the better of his guilt issues
Which violated her victim issues
Which cranked up his control issues

Which engaged her ego issues
Which ramped up his rescuer issues
Which snagged her narcissism issues
Which made him want to run the hell away

Which activated her abandonment issues
Which inflamed his anger issues
Which sparked her security issues
Which fomented his accountability issues
You see the problem?

They had a painful breakup
Produced a kind of wakeup
Only one thing to do, deja vu, back together

And after years of mending
Still not a happy ending
And when it came, of course, they blamed each other

You know, it's the funniest thing, since I've been singing this story
Each of my old girlfriends
Calls me up just wonderin'
By any chance, is this little song and dance about her?

Greg Tamblyn CD cover with funny photo and title" "Analog Brain In A Digital World"

To hear this song, download it,
or preview this entire album of
award-winning Comedy Songs
for FREE
click here

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