Top 30 Funny School Quotes

Top 30 Funny School Quotes

Class clown, school fool, teacher's pet. Funny school quotes that make the grade, because you gotta learn to laugh. Especially about education.

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Funny School Quotes
Group 1

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary column.
- Norm Crosby

Every class is drama class when you're in high school.
- Timothy Bird ‏@timothybird186

An English teacher announced to the class: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "Okay, so what are the words?”


Funny School Quotes
Group 2

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
- Kurt Vonnegut

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
- Emo Philips

The science fair has long been a favorite educational tool in the American school system, and for a good reason: Your teachers hate you.
- Dave Barry

In 300 BC Euclid invented geometry, and the grade F.
- Unknown Author

Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.
- G.K. Chesterton

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
- A. A. Milne

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found time to conquer the world.
- Heinrich Heine


Funny School Quotes
Group 3

My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school. He won’t tell me where it is.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go because I’ve put on, like, a hundred pounds.
- Wendy Liebman

In high school my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him. The figured any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them.
- Brian Kiley

A lot of things go on when you’re a kid that you don’t figure out until you’re an adult. Like, I think my kindergarten teacher had a drinking problem, because nap time was every day from 9:00 to 2:30.
- Janine DiTullio

Nothing I learned in school prepared me for life on any level. My first book should have read, “See Dick balance his checkbook. See Jane leave an unhealthy relationship. Run, Jane, run!”
- Kate Mason


Funny School Quotes
Group 4

I’m willing to see prayer in schools if you’re willing to find a place for algebra in our churches.
- Dylan Brody

When I look back on all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can think at all.
- Paul Simon



Don’t go to a school reunion. There’ll be a lot of old people there claiming to be your classmates.
- Tom Dreesen

People want to take sex education out of the schools. They think sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra. I never do math.
- Elayne Boosler

Three CalTech grad students prove that animals without brains sleep. Which, frankly, teachers have known for years.
- AltLeft WrangWordler‏ @Thing_Finder



Funny School Quotes

Group 5

In California, some high schools are requiring students to wear uniforms. They say uniforms create a safe, stable environment. Like the post office.
- Jay Leno

I see that the U.S. Department of Education laid out $750,000 for a study that shows that going to art museums and looking at art is good for schoolchildren, which I would have been happy to tell them for, say, $500 and a nice lunch.
- Garrison Keillor

My dad could always find the bright side. Whenever I brought my report card home from school, he’d say, “Well, at least I know you didn’t cheat.”
- Greg Tamblyn

You know there is a problem with the education system when out of the three R’s, only one begins with R.
- Dennis Miller

When I was growing up, my parents told me, 'Finish your dinner. People in China and India are starving.' I tell my daughters, 'Finish your homework. People in India and China are starving for your job.’
- Thomas Friedman


Funny School Quotes
Group 6

If it hadn’t been for detention, I would have never done any homework.
- Melanie White

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
- John Lennon

The real winner at prom isn’t the king or the queen. It’s everyone who didn’t peak in high school.
- Mizgin ‏@OfficialMizGin

Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
- George Macaulay Trevelyan

When my son, James, was doing homework for school, he would have five or six windows open on his computer, Instant Messenger was flashing continuously, his cell phone was constantly ringing, and he was downloading music and watching the TV over his shoulder. I don't know if he was doing any homework, but he was running an empire as far as I could see, so I didn't really care.
- Ken Robinson




School Joke:
Can I Borrow A Pencil?

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don’t know, can you?

Student: Yes. I might add that colloquial irregularities occur frequently in any language, and since you and the rest of our present company understand perfectly my intended meaning, being particular about the distinctions between “can“ and “may“ is purely pedantic and arguably pretentious.

Teacher: True, colloquialism and the judicious interpretation of context help us communicate with nuance, range, and efficiency. And yet, as your teacher, my job is to teach you to think about language with care and rigor. Understanding the shades of difference between one word and another and to think carefully about what you want to say will give you greater power and versatility in your speech and writing.

Student: Point taken. May I have a pencil?


Teacher: No, you may not. We do not have pencils since the state cut funding for education again this year.


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More School Humor? Go here:

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Funny Graduation Sayings

Graduation Jokes

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