Funny Graduation Sayings

Funny graduation sayings to keep your funnybone honed and your head in the humor zone. Congratulations - you did it! Now you can laugh about it.

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Funny Graduation Sayings: Image of Tom and Ray from Car Talk, with quote: "Graduates: you will never have more energy, enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today."

Funny Sayings:
Graduation, Group 1

Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.

Graduates: Don’t think of your caps and gown as merely goofy outfits, but the first in a lifetime of goofy outfits you will have to wear just to fit in.

At graduation, is it customary for the parents to give the new graduate a present. Parents: whatever you do, make sure it’s not a key to the new locks on the house.

Graduates, you’ve paid a lot of money to go to school here. And soon the alumni association hopes you will pay a lot more money to have gone to school here.

After college graduation you leave the security and safety of the cozy university cocoon, and leap into the great wild world of adventure that is the rest of your life. And don't worry, many a great adventure started from parents' basements.

Funny Graduation Sayings
Group 2: Advice

When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.

If you don’t mind not working for a living, major in philosophy.

Aim high, Graduates! In fact, aim for being president. Then you can have your grades classified as top secret, like Ronald Reagan.

Graduates, remember: whenever your life isn't working, unplug it for 60 seconds then plug it back in.

Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.
- Ellen Degeneres

Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.
- Melanie White

At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
- Greg Tamblyn

Be bold. Be true. Be kind. Rotate your tires. Don’t drink so much. There aren’t going to be enough liver transplants to go around.
- Richard Russo

Funny Graduation Quotes
Group 3

Funny image of owl in graduation hat, and quote: "Graduates, you paid a lot of money to go to college. Soon the alumni association hopes that you'll pay a lot more money to have GONE to college."

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
- Robert Orben

Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously
- G.K. Chesterton

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
- Robert Goheen

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.
- Robert M. Hutchins

I like to joke about attaining the coveted N.C.W. degree: No Credentials Whatsoever. But the truth is that I did escape from college with an actual degree: a B.S. It was in geology. I was confused. I wanted to be a rock star. Or maybe I was just stoned a lot of the time.
-Greg Tamblyn

Advanced Degrees Interpreted

The Real Meaning of the College Degrees BS, MS, and PhD:

Everyone knows what B.S. stands for.

MS just means “more of it.”

And PhD stands for “Piled Higher and Deeper.”

Graduation Sayings
Group 4

The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you might never make any real money.
- Anonymous

Life after college can be pretty rough, but I hear it gets easier after the first 60 years.
- Kelkulus ‏@kelkulus

Parents: You will spend more money framing your child’s diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It’s tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera and Mexican drug cartels.
- Conan O’Brien

Scientists have figured out how to measure emotional states so they can tell what you're feeling by looking at the monitors. But they found they can't tell the difference between fear and excitement - they measure exactly the same. This is graduation in a nutshell. You're as excited and scared as you've ever been, but you can't tell which.
-Greg Tamblyn

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- Garry Trudeau

High School Graduation was a milestone for me. It was the first time the principal ever shook my hand.
- Melanie White

I really enjoyed the parts of my graduation ceremony that I slept through.
- Melanie White

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