These funny quotes and sayings about work, jobs, and bosses will free your mind from the grind. Grab a cup of coffee, relax, let these humorous quotations and funny sayings go to work...on your psyche. Your spirit will get a big raise.
Links to more Work humor at bottom of page.
Share your own jokes that work, or your feedback in the Comment box.
1. If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.
- Lane Kirkland
2. No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
- Groucho Marx
3. Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
- Huey P. Long
4. A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women.
5. Reheating leftover fish in the office microwave should be a fireable offense.
6. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.
- Robert Benchley
7. Guys with neck tattoos love asking "Are ya'll hirin?"
- Rock @TheMichaelRock
8. I do my job in a very professional manner. I take money for it every chance I get.
- Melanie White
9. The Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
10. It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all.
- James Thurber
11. It’s true that hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
- Ronald Reagan
12. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
13. Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else.
- Barbara Ehrenreich
14. Being a couch potato is not the same as being a failure. Being a failure implies that you were actually trying to do something.
15. Wheaties: the breakfast of champions and the dinner of the unemployed.
16. I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
- Jerome K. Jerome
17. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
18. No one's dream job involves a kiosk.
- Damien Fahey
19. Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
- Don Herold
20. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.
- Bertrand Russell
21. On applications, where it asks if you’ve ever committed a
felony, I like to write in, “Is lying on an application a felony?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser
Labor Day is a holiday honoring those who work for a living. Laborious
Day is a lesser known holiday honoring those who cannot stop talking
about their work.
- Lemony Snicket
23. When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose?
- Don Marquis
24. Serious talk around the office of replacing me with a deli tray.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder
25. When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
- Helen Rowland
26. I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with.
- Mike Vanatta
27. You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.
- Craig Ferguson
28. A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
- Jay London
29. I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
- Lily Tomlin
30. I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life:
Number 1: Cover for me.
Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!
Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
- Homer Simpson
31. I do not like work even when someone else does it.
- Mark Twain
32. Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.
- Randy Glasbergen
33. People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
- Ogden Nash
34. If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
- Scott Adams (Dilbert)
35. A well-educated friend of mine with three advanced degrees can say “I’m unemployed” in six languages.
- Unknown Author
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