Funny proverbs for all you wise guys and gals. Funny sayings to help you keep your life in the laugh lane, and your head in the humor zone. Wise up!
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1. If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much room.
2. The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard.
3. If you can smile when things go wrong, you already have someone to blame.
4. The older you are, the harder it is to lose weight, because your body and your fat have become good buddies.
5. Eat a small toad in the morning, and it will be the worst thing you do all day.
6. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Hong Kong.
7. Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Never use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
9. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
10. On the subject of singing, the frog school and the lark school disagree.
Funny Proverbs, Group 2
11. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
- National Lampoon
12. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
13. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
14. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
15. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
16. At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
17. Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button.
18. Being a couch potato is not the same as being a failure. Being a failure implies that you were actually trying to do something.
19. If you can't afford health insurance, you can always rely on the placebo effect.
20. When opportunity knocks, don't sit there complaining about the noise.
21. Rationalist philosophy: "I think, therefore I am."
Artist philosophy: "I doubt, therefore I might be."
- Greg Tamblyn
22. Remember: If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.
23. Never look down on short people.
- Greg Tamblyn
24. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Dave Barry
25. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
26. If you don't go to other men's funerals, they won't go to yours.
27. Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
28. It 's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
29. Learn from your parents' mistakes. Practice birth control.
30. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Proverbs, Group 4
31. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
32. Life isn't like a box of chocolates...it's more like a jar of jalapenos..what you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
33. A man with both feet firmly on the ground is a man who can't get his pants off.
34. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
35. No one is listening until you fart.
36. Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain, and that's where your crappy ideas come from.
37. The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of the act.
38. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
39. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
40. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
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