Prediction: these funny fortune cookie sayings will bring smiles all around. You don’t even need to add “in bed” to make them funny. Inflict these funny sayings and short clean jokes on your dinner guests for a memorable meal. Laughter is the best dessert!
1. Some days you are pigeon, some days you are statue. Today, bring umbrella.
2. Your reality check about to bounce.
3. Wise person never try to get even. Wise person get odder.
4. Two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
5. Your inferiority complex not good enough. Try harder.
6. When chosen for jury duty, tell judge "fortune cookie say guilty!”
7. Stop eating now. Food poisoning no fun.
8. You are cleverly disguised as responsible adult.
9. Tomorrow at breakfast, listen carefully: do what rice krispies tell you to.
10. Drive like hell, you will get there.
11. Person who eat fortune cookie get lousy dessert.
12. Okay to look at past and future. Just don’t stare.
13. Wise person need either good manners or fast reflexes.
14. Soup was secret family recipe made from toad. Hope you liked!
15. You will soon have an out of money experience.
16. Probability of being seen directly proportional to stupidity of act.
17. He who dies with most toys, still dies.
18. Person who rests on laurels gets thorn in backside.
19. Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.
20. Person who give self haircut after rice wine will be buzzed.
21. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
22. Hard work pay off in future. Laziness pay off now.
23. Life is sexually transmitted condition.
24. Give person fish, he eat for day. Teach person to fish, he always smell funny.
25. Person who argue with idiot is taken for fool.
26. Look before you leap. Or wear parachute.
27. The end is near, might as well have dessert.
28. This fortune no good. Try another.
29. Of all 27 alternatives, running away is best.
30. Closed mouth gathers no feet.
31. Honeymoon should be like table: 4 bare legs, no drawers.
32. Wise husband is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.
33. On keyboard of life, always keep one finger on escape key.
34. You are going nowhere, but at least path is interesting.
35. Indecision is key to flexibility.
36. Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
37. A day without sunshine is like night.
38. You are only young once, but can be immature forever.
39. Be nice to friends. You might need them to empty your bedpan.
40. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
41. Politicians are like diapers: change often, and for same reason.
42. Atheism no fun. No holidays.
43. Fat person not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
44. You have kleptomania. Take something for it.
45. When marriage outlawed, only outlaws have inlaws.
46. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
47. The older you get, the better you were.
48. Age is high price to pay for maturity.
49. Procrastination is art of keeping up with yesterday.
50. A fool and his money are soon partying.
Can't stop now? Check out Best Funny Proverbs