Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings

Prediction: these funny fortune cookie sayings will bring smiles all around. You don’t even need to add “in bed” to make them funny. Inflict these funny sayings and short clean jokes on your dinner guests for a memorable meal. Laughter is the best dessert!

Funny Sayings:
Fortune Cookies, Group 1

Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings: Image of fortune cookie with paper coming out of it that reads: "Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper."

1. Some days you are pigeon, some days you are statue. Today, bring umbrella.

2. Your reality check about to bounce.

3. Wise person never try to get even. Wise person get odder.

4. Two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

5. Your inferiority complex not good enough. Try harder.

6. When chosen for jury duty, tell judge "fortune cookie say guilty!”

7. Stop eating now. Food poisoning no fun.

8. You are cleverly disguised as responsible adult.

9. Tomorrow at breakfast, listen carefully: do what rice krispies tell you to.

10. Drive like hell, you will get there.

Short Clean Jokes:
Fortune Cookies, Group 2

11. Person who eat fortune cookie get lousy dessert.

12. Okay to look at past and future. Just don’t stare.

13. Wise person need either good manners or fast reflexes.

14. Soup was secret family recipe made from toad. Hope you liked!

15. You will soon have an out of money experience.

16. Probability of being seen directly proportional to stupidity of act.

17. He who dies with most toys, still dies.

18. Person who rests on laurels gets thorn in backside.

19. Practice safe eating. Always use condiments.

20. Person who give self haircut after rice wine will be buzzed.

Funny Fortune Cookie
Sayings, Group 3

21. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

22. Hard work pay off in future. Laziness pay off now.

23. Life is sexually transmitted condition.

24. Give person fish, he eat for day. Teach person to fish, he always smell funny.

25. Person who argue with idiot is taken for fool.

26. Look before you leap. Or wear parachute.

27. The end is near, might as well have dessert.

28. This fortune no good. Try another.

29. Of all 27 alternatives, running away is best.

30. Closed mouth gathers no feet.

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Funny Fortune Cookie Sayings:
Group 4

31. Honeymoon should be like table: 4 bare legs, no drawers.

32. Wise husband is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.

33. On keyboard of life, always keep one finger on escape key.

34. You are going nowhere, but at least path is interesting.

35. Indecision is key to flexibility.

36. Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

37. A day without sunshine is like night.

38. You are only young once, but can be immature forever.

39. Be nice to friends. You might need them to empty your bedpan.

40. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

Image of a fortune cookie and the fortune inside reading: "People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Ben Franklin said it first."

Funny Fortune Cookie
Sayings, Group 5

41. Politicians are like diapers: change often, and for same reason.

42. Atheism no fun. No holidays.

43. Fat person not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

44. You have kleptomania. Take something for it.

45. When marriage outlawed, only outlaws have in-laws.

46. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

47. The older you get, the better you were.

48. Age is high price to pay for maturity.

49. Procrastination is art of keeping up with yesterday.

50. A fool and his money are soon partying.

Image of fortune cookie with paper fortune that says: "Man like parachute. If not there when you need him first time, then not need him again."

Bonus: 10 More

51. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving not for you.

52. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

53. Easiest way to find lost object is buy replacement.

54. Smart husband buy wife fine china. Then she not trust him to wash it.

55. Inside every old person is young person wondering what the hell happened.

56. Experience is what you have left when everything else gone.

57. Only difference between rut and a grave is depth.

58. Everyone seem normal until you get to know them.

59. When blind leading the blind........get out of the way.

60. Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

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