T Shirts With Funny Sayings:
Wearable Humor

T shirts with funny sayings. Make a statement. Get a laugh. Wear some funny words and liven up your world. Sport any of these hilarious quotations, short clean jokes, and other funny stuff that fits. Humor your friends.

Links to more t-shirt jokes like this at bottom of page.
Share your own fun or feedback in the Comment box.

Woman wearing T-shirt with funny saying: She who sleeps with dogs

T Shirts With Funny Sayings:
Group 1

Without a plan, nothing can go wrong.

Will diet for food

I live in my own little world, but its okay. They know me there.

Gravity . . . It's Not Just a Good Idea, It's the Law.

On a passing motorcyclist:
If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off

Don’t believe everything you think.

T-shirt with silhouette of a rhino that reads: Save The Chubby Unicorns

T Shirts With Funny Sayings:
Group 2

Ask me about my Narcissism

Midwives help people out

I don’t have an attitude. I have a personality you can’t handle.

A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.

Give me chocolate and no one gets hurt

Instant Human: Just Add Coffee

T-shirt says: Let's Get Weird!

Group 3:


In Dog Years, I'm Dead

It's Hard To Be Nostalgic When You Can't Remember Anything

Come to the dark side. We have cookies.

The beatings will continue until morale improves

Life is too short to wear tight shoes

"Analog Brain In A Digital World" purple T-shirt

Get the above t-shirt here

Group 4:

National Sarcasm Society... Like We Need Your Support

Old Pro . . . Often Wrong . . . Never in Doubt

Always remember: you are unique, just like everyone else

Veni, Vidi, Visa:   I Came, I Saw, I Shopped

Easily Distracted by bright shiny objects

IRS --- Be Audit You Can Be

Funny t-shirt with Cryptologist misspelled and struck through three times, then changed to "I break codes."

Group 5:

I’m Not Trying to be Difficult – it comes naturally

I'd Give My Right Arm to be Ambidextrous

My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips

Marketing: helping people buy useless crap for centuries

If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen

AAAA The Anti-Acronym Association of America

Guy wearing t-shirt with saying: "A quaint litt;e drinking town with a fishing problem. Marathon"

Group 6

I'm not a gynecologist...
...but I'll take a look.

Born Free
Now I’m expensive

I’m not smart but I can lift heavy things

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

Encourage at your own risk.

Liberal Arts Major . . . Will Think For Food

T-shirt that reads:
"Vermont: what happens here stays here.
But nothing much ever happens."

Group 7

Dads Against Daughters Dating

This is the oldest I’ve ever been

Often Imitated, Never Duplicated.

Down with zippers!

Give Me My Damn Senior Discount

First Things First
(but not necessarily in that order)

T-shirt with musical staff and unusual time signatures, with caption" "These Are Difficult Times"


Group 8

Mess with me you mess with the whole trailer park.

Will Improv For Food


World's Okayest Brother

The past, the present
and the future
walked into a bar.
It was tense.

(Said no one ever)

T-shirt with saying:
What Do We Want? A cure for obesity. When do we want it? After dinner.

Group 9

You are the gin to my tonic

I love boys they're stupid

This whiskey tastes like
I'm not going to work tomorrow

Careful or you'll end up in my novel

My grandkids are cuter than yours

It's called thinking.
You should try it sometime.

I Am A Grumpy Old Man min-tiny

Group 10


It's not me.
It's you.

I do know it all...
I just can't remember it all at once.

Black Thighs Matter

Classy, Sassy,
and a little Smart Assy

I'm multi-talented.
I can talk and annoy you at the same time!

Drinkerbell min-tiny

Group 11

COFFEE keeps me going
until it's time for WINE.

Warrior, Not Worrier
Life Is Good

It's usually the nuts
that change the world.


I came to break hearts

But I cuss a little.

T-shirt with image of the solar system and caption: "Back in my day we had 9 planets"

Group 12

That nap isn't going to take itself...

I don't like jail,
They got the wrong kind of bars in there.

Genius by birth.
Slacker by choice.

How much whine
Would a wine drinker whine
If a wine drinker
Couldn't drink wine?

Dogs make me happy.
Humans not so much.

I'm not lazy.
I'm physically conservative.

Older woman wearing t-shirt with image of wine glasses that reads: "At my age I need glasses"

Group 13

Paintball is like Love.
Sometimes it hurts.

Age and treachery
will triumph
over youth and skill.

My mom's a vet tech.

I can explain it to you
But I can't understand it for you

I may not be right
but I'm never wrong


Black t-shirt that reads "Stay Weird" (upside down)

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