Funny Redneck Jokes

Funny Redneck Jokes

I don’t know if funny redneck jokes were actually invented by Jeff Foxworthy, or just perfected, but here’s a rusty trailer load of some of the best. They’ll do more for your mood than a mess o' funnelcake. Enjoy, y’all.

Links to more funny stuff like this at bottom of page.
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Funny Redneck Jokes:
Redneck Zoo

What's the difference between a redneck zoo and a regular zoo?

A redneck zoo has the name of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Funny Redneck Jokes:
Road Sign Literature

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
- Greg Tamblyn

Funny Stuff: "The Widow"

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, “Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.”

Donnie says, “OK, I'll do it.”

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Donnie?”

“Cooter's wife gave it to me,” Ronnie replies.

“That's unbelievable. You told her Cooter was dead and she gave you beer?”

“Well, not exactly,” Donnie says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘You must be Cooter's widow.’”

She said, “You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.”

And I said, “I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.”

Funny Redneck Jokes:
“Birth Control"

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that since they couldn’t afford a bigger bed, they better stop having babies.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more kids. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive.

“A cheaper alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.”

The redneck said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

“Trust me,” said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....”

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

Funny Redneck Jokes: "Driver's Ed"

Why do redneck drivers' education classes only use the truck on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Funny Redneck Jokes: "Redneck Fairy Tale"

What's the difference between a normal fairy tale and a redneck fairytale?

A normal fairy tale begins "Once upon a time...."

A redneck fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."

"Redneck Zoo, Part 2"

A small zoo in Mississippi obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the zookeeper thought of Ed-Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Ed-Lee had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Ed-Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500? 

Ed-Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First," Ed-Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."

The zookeeper quickly agreed.

"Second," he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt."

The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third," he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."

The keeper again readily agreed.

"Fourth," Ed-Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist."

Once again it was agreed.

"And last," Ed-Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500."

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