Funny cute quotes and sayings from kids. Amusing honesty from the mouths of babes. These humor quotes and short clean jokes will make you wonder whatever happened to your childhood brain.
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A policeman had just parked his cruiser in front of a playground, and his K9 partner, Officer Bruno, was sitting calmly in the back seat.
A little girl was standing nearby and asked, “Is that a dog in the back of your car?”
“Yes it is, “said the policeman.
The little girl looked confused and asked, “Why? What did he do?”
A father liked to sing his two toddlers to sleep. One night he heard his 5-year-old whisper to his 3-year-old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”
A little grandson says to his grandfather: “Grandpa, you and God are a lot alike.”
“Oh, how’s that?” asks the grandfather, pleased with the comparison.
The boy says, “You’re both old.”
A five year old girl came home from his first day of kindergarten looking frustrated.
Her mom said, “What’s the matter, honey?”
She replied, “School is no fun. I can’t read or write, and the teacher won’t let me talk.”
A five year old asks his mom, “Does your meal have a toy in it?”
The mother replies, “No honey. Only the happy meals come with toys.”
The five year old says, “Guess you got a sad meal.”
Science teacher: “Emma, what’s one way to slow down the process of milk turning sour?
Emma: “Keep it in the cow.”
Health teacher at a boys school: “Joseph, what happens to boys at the age of puberty?”
Joseph: “They leave boyhood behind and enter adultery.”
Teacher: “Mary, what is the fibula?”
Mary: “A little lie.”
Science teacher: “Jilly, what’s the main difference between soft water and hard water?”
Jilly: “Soft water is wet. Hard water is ice.”
Teacher: “Jimmy, name the four seasons.”
Jimmy: “Ketchup, mustard, salt, and pepper.”
Teacher: “Patrick, tell us what the word ‘benign’ means.”
Patrick: “Benign is what you be after you be eight.”
Teacher: “Nora, where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?”
Nora: “At the bottom.”
Science Teacher: "Nate, name one of the major purposes of skin."
Nate: "To keep people who look at you from throwing up."
A little granddaughter called her Grandma to wish her happy birthday.
“How old are you, Grandma?” she asked.
“I’m 67,” replied her grandma.
The little girl was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Did you start at 1?”
A little boy went the wrong way at the swimming pool and wandered into the women’s dressing room by mistake. When they saw him, the women started shrieking, snatching up towels and trying to cover themselves. The boy watched wide-eyed then said, “It’s okay. Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
A parent asks his five-year-old boy, “What did you learn today in school?”
“We learned manners.”
“Great! So what do you say when somebody sneezes?”
“Gross! Go die somewhere else.”
A pediatrician asked a little 4 year old girl if she would like to listen to her own heartbeat just like the doctor does. She nodded, and he gently placed the stethoscope into her ears. Then he touched the disc to her chest and watched her eyes light up in wonder. After a minute she smiled and said, “I can hear Jesus knocking!”
A woman had a job delivering meals to older retirees, and sometimes took her little 4 year old boy along.
He was always fascinated by the wheelchairs, the scooters, the canes, and the other aids for the elderly.
On one particular delivery, an older man sat in a recliner, and a pair of dentures were soaking in a glass of water on the table next to him.
The little boy stared at them for a long time, then said, “Mom, the tooth fairy is not going to like this!”
A cop was checking out a broken window at an elementary school, and felt a little hand tapping his leg. He turned around to see a little boy.
“What’s up, little guy?” asked the cop.
“Are you a policeman?” asked the boy.
“Yep,” said the cop.
My daddy said if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman,” said the boy.
“That’s right,” said the cop.
The boy showed the cop a tablet and asked, “Can you help me do my math?”
A father asks his 9 year old daughter, “If you won a ton of money and could buy anything you want, what would you get?”
The daughter says, “An iPhone.”
The father says, “Oh come on, if you could have anything? Think of something bigger.”
“Okay, a helicopter.”
“And where would you fly in your helicopter?”
“To the Apple store to buy an iPhone.”
A little boy was investigating the old family bible, carefully turning the pages, when something slipped out and fell on the floor.
He picked it up and saw that it was an old dried maple leaf, flattened from being in the pages.
He yelled, “Mom, Mom, look what I found!”
“What, dear?” she answered.
“Adam left his underwear in the Bible!”
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