Funny Success Quotes for all us working folks with or without "Type A-Ness." (Say that fast - it's funny.) Free your brain from the strain, and slide down the ladder with laughter. It's way more fun!
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
- William Lyon Phelps
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
- Mitch Hedberg
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
- Fran Lebowitz
I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher. Or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
- Douglas Adams
She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong.
- Mae West
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
- David Brent
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm successful now. I might as well take a nap.”
- Carrie Fisher
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
- Quentin Crisp
Once you are dead, you are made for life.
- Jimi Hendrix
In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have the first, the other two will kill you.
- Warren Buffett
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
- Sam Levenson
Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for any one who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.
- George Ade
Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry.
- George Ade
Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck.
- Richard Jeni
"Life gave me lemons." - Super-successful lemon farmer
- prontopup @prontopup
The biggest sin is sitting on your ass.
- Florynce Kennedy
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
- Mark Twain
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
- Will Rogers
No one has ever drowned in sweat.
- Lou Holtz
If you want to get somewhere in life, you need to know three things: where you came from, where you’re going, and where your wife left the car keys.
- Raymond Lesser
Buying a slurpee from the captain of my high school football team about five years after graduation was one of my life’s highlights.
Northwestern’s alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, Presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that’s just me!
- Stephen Colbert
What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.
Before you reach the top of the ladder, make sure it’s leaning against the right wall.
Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises we have failed in.
- Gustave Flaubert
In this business you either sink or swim or you don't.
- David Smith
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- A. H. Weiler
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
- Jay London
Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'
- Joey Adams
To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- John Benfield
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
- Woody Allen
People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
- Anatole France
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
- Al Capone
An actor’s success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
- Fred Allen
The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.
- Nancy Astor
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
- Kin Hubbard
He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.
- Douglas Adams
The here and now is all we have, and if we play it right it's all we'll need.
- Ann Richards
Success is a poison that should only be taken late in life and then only in small doses.
- Anthony Trollope