Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny Friendship Quotes

Funny friendship quotes for fast fun and friendly foolishness. Short clean jokes that'll feed your funnybone and amuse your mates. Semper Fi!

Links to more friendship humor at bottom of page.

Short Clean Jokes:
Friendship, Group 1

1. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.
- Garry Shandling

2. The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
- Aaron Machado

3. My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Country song title

4. Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.
- Greg Tamblyn

5. Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people”
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Friendship Quotes
Group 2

6. Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.
- Otto von Bismarck

7. An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes

8. Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
- A.E. Houseman

9. Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter.
- Gelett Burgess

10. It is important for our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.
- Mignon McLaughlin

Funny Friendship Quotes
Group 3

11. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

12. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless your friends are on twitter.
- Greg Tamblyn

13. Friendship is a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.
- Randy K. Milholland

14. True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent.
- Erwin T. Randall

15. If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
- Andy Borowitz

Funny Friendship Sayings
Group 4

16. Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family.
- Bruce White

17. I don’t like half the folks I love.
- Paul Thorn

18. A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

19. I lost my Christmas list and now I can’t remember who my friends are.
- Anonymous

20. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-  Bilbo Baggins (J. R. R. Tolkien)

Short Clean Jokes:
Friendship, Group 5

21. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Philips

22. A real friend is the guy who goes first when the fishing tales break out.
- Anonymous

23. You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

24. Friends are great. Friends are wonderful. Friends who can cook are like winning the lottery.
- Greg Tamblyn

25. I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Funny Friendship Quotes
Group 6

26. A true friend is one who lets his grass grow as tall as his neighbor’s.
- Anonymous

27. If you lend a friend five dollars and never see him again, it was worth it.
- Anonymous

28. I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser

29. A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.
- Kin Hubbard

30. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
- Anonymous

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