Funny Easter Quotes and Jokes

Funny Easter Quotes and Jokes

Salvation! Your prayers for a funny Easter are answered. Nothing like funny Easter quotes and jokes to raise your spirit. Easter humor about Lent, Palm Sunday, Clothes, Eggs, Chocolate Rabbits, Jesus, and more.

Share your own Easter humor or feedback in the Comment box at bottom.

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 1: "Lent"

Just had the best lent of my entire life. I gave up sacrifice.
- Anonymous

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
- Garrison Keillor

Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
- Melanie White

I gave up lots of stuff for Lent. I lent my neighbor my mower, I lent my son my tuxedo, and I lent my daughter my car.
- Anonymous

I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.
- Melanie White

Having trouble selling my Lent calendars where every day you open a new square and it's empty.
- David Acer ‏@David_Acer

Lent is when the vegetarians try to convert the Catholics.
- Melanie White

Funny Easter Quotes
And Sayings, Group 2

My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.
- AJ Jamal

I Know What You Did Last Supper
- Randi Lawson ‏@RandiLawson

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, “When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off.”
- Jon Stewart

That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus' stuff.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

The only reason I still participate in Easter is that my family eggs me on.
- Melanie White

Easter tastes better than Halloween, and you don't have to ring a lot of doorbells.
- Billy

Funny Easter Jokes:
The Meaning of Easter

A Sunday school teacher was asking her six-year-olds about the meaning of Easter. “Children,” she said, “Do you know why we celebrate Easter?”

A little girl raised her hand.

“Yes Jenny,” said the teacher.

Jenny said, “ Is Easter when we put on costumes and go trick-or-treating?”

“No, Jenny. That’s Halloween. Does any one else know?”

A little boy yelled, “It’s when we set off fireworks!”

“No Jimmy, that’s Independence Day. Anybody else?”

A shy little girl in the back said, “Easter is when Jesus died.”

The teacher replied, “That’s right, Shauna. And what happened to Jesus that makes Easter special?”

“Well, he died and got buried. And every Easter he comes out. And if he sees his shadow there’s 6 more weeks of winter.”

Easter Humor:
Palm Sunday Joke

One Palm Sunday, little Johnny was sick and stayed home from church. When his brothers and sisters came home carrying palm branches, Johnny asked where the palms came from.

His father replied, “When Jesus walked by, people held palm branches over his head.”

"Just my luck!" Johnny said. "The one time I don’t go to church, Jesus shows up.”

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 3

Forget the Easter bunny. I need one that can do me some good – like the Energizer bunny.
- Melanie White

Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.
- Melanie White

Easter shopping tip: When buying your daughter that frilly new Easter dress, try to visualize how it’ll look with chocolate and grass stains all over it.
- Melanie White

I’m all for Easter seals – as long as they don’t bark and beg for fish.
- Melanie White

Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse.
- Melanie White

Easter may not take the cake, but it does take all the cake coloring.
- Melanie White

Funny Easter Quotes
Group 4: Tweets

All excited for Easter. The cross is up and completely decorated.
- Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

I want to be as historically accurate as possible. Does anyone know exactly what time Jesus handed out all the chocolate Easter eggs?
- Aristotles ‏@AristotlesNZ

Found about 1,000 eggs already. Trying to explain to this cop it's not my fault if Whole Foods did a bad job hiding them.
- Guy Endore-Kaiser ‏@GuyEndoreKaiser

I can't believe it's already Easter. It seems like just yesterday it wasn't Easter.
- Bridger Winegar ‏@bridger_w

The deeply religious meaning of Easter is not lost on me but can I just say that I totally love spiral cut ham, you guys.
- prontopup ‏@prontopup

Hoping my Easter guests will help me take down the tree.
- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.
- Bridger Winegar ‏@bridger_w

Easter Jokes:
Mistaken Identity

One Easter morning, a farmer's wife boiled some eggs, colored them, and hid them in the barn for her kids.

A little while later the rooster found them. Not knowing anything about Easter, he beat up the peacock.

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