Nifty, shifty, thrifty...Fifty! Funny 50th birthday sayings, short clean jokes, and funny quotations that’ll help you slide into the fifties with a smile. Congrats!
Turning 50: Funny Sayings
If you haven’t grown up by age 50, you don’t have to.
The best form of birth control for people over 50: nudity.
Fifty is a powerful age for women. You can set off sprinkler systems with your hot flashes.
By fifty, you’ve figured out that time is a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician.
At 50 years old, life seems shorter. No point in spending it trying to make yourself disappear by dieting.
50 years old: you finally get your head together, and your body has other ideas.
Turning 50? Hot flashes? Don’t think of it as menopause. Think of it as regular short vacations in the tropics.
50 years old. In Led Zeppelin terms, that's halfway up the stairway to heaven.
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Short Clean Jokes: What You Can Expect at 50
You’ve got four sizes of clothes in your closet, three of which will never be worn again by you.
You spend more time trimming your nose hair than head hair.
You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything.
The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “You got it, Darlin.’”
Your high school yearbook is moldy enough to support a thriving colony of algae.
When you look in a full-length mirror, you can see your butt from the front.
You're still hot, but only in flashes.
Funny 50th Birthday Sayings, Group 1
I’m aiming by the time I’m fifty to stop being an adolescent.
- Wendy Cope
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- Bob Hope
Sex is as good at 50 as it was at 20. The only difference is I’m not into all that freakin’ Cirque de Soleil stuff because I’m as flexible as a two-by-four with as much stamina as an emphysema patient on oxygen.
- Janet Periat
For my 50th birthday, my husband and I spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach. My first choice was 1978, but the time machine was booked.
- Jean Sorensen
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
After fifty, one ceases to digest. As someone once said, “I just ferment my food now.”
- Henry Green
50th Birthday Sayings, Group 3
50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. This is a rule.
- Greg Tamblyn
At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.
50 years old? Look on the bright side. The older you get, the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments.
Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles M. Schulz
I rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast jumping in the stupid thing. I kept expecting the Age Police to show up and ticket me.
- Janet Periat
50th Birthday Sayings: Group 5
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
- Joey Adams
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush the net.
- Franklin P. Jones
I’m like a backward berry
Unripened on the vine
For all my friends are fifty
And I’m only forty-nine.
- Ogden Nash
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