Funny 50th Birthday Sayings

Nifty, shifty, thrifty...Fifty! Funny 50th birthday sayings, short clean jokes, and funny quotations that’ll help you slide into the fifties with a smile. Congrats!


Turning 50: Funny Sayings

If you haven’t grown up by age 50, you don’t have to.

The best form of birth control for people over 50: nudity.

Fifty is a powerful age for women. You can set off sprinkler systems with your hot flashes.

By fifty, you’ve figured out that time is a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician.

At 50 years old, life seems shorter. No point in spending it trying to make yourself disappear by dieting.

50 years old: you finally get your head together, and your body has other ideas.

Turning 50? Hot flashes? Don’t think of it as menopause. Think of it as regular short vacations in the tropics.

50 years old. In Led Zeppelin terms, that's halfway up the stairway to heaven.



"Normally Peculiar"
JokeQuote's New Book
is full of "feel-good" funny short stories
that all 50-year-olds will enjoy!

Read sample chapters, reviews, and more here



Short Clean Jokes: What You Can Expect at 50

You’ve got four sizes of clothes in your closet, three of which will never be worn again by you.

You spend more time trimming your nose hair than head hair.

You realize with some irritation that your parents were right about nearly everything.

The street vendor says “Yes, Ma’am” instead of “You got it, Darlin.’”

Your high school yearbook is moldy enough to support a thriving colony of algae.

When you look in a full-length mirror, you can see your butt from the front.

You're still hot, but only in flashes.


Funny 50th Birthday Sayings, Group 1

I’m aiming by the time I’m fifty to stop being an adolescent.
- Wendy Cope

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
- Bob Hope

Sex is as good at 50 as it was at 20. The only difference is I’m not into all that freakin’ Cirque de Soleil stuff because I’m as flexible as a two-by-four with as much stamina as an emphysema patient on oxygen.
- Janet Periat

Funny 50th Birthday Sayings, Group 2

For my 50th birthday, my husband and I spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach. My first choice was 1978, but the time machine was booked.
- Jean Sorensen

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

After fifty, one ceases to digest. As someone once said, “I just ferment my food now.”
- Henry Green


50th Birthday Sayings, Group 3

50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. This is a rule.
- Greg Tamblyn

At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.
- Anonymous

50 years old? Look on the bright side. The older you get, the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments.
-Melanie White

Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
- Charles M. Schulz

I rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast jumping in the stupid thing. I kept expecting the Age Police to show up and ticket me.
- Janet Periat


50th Birthday Sayings: Group 5

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
- Joey Adams

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
- Lucille Ball

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush the net.
- Franklin P. Jones

I’m like a backward berry
Unripened on the vine
For all my friends are fifty
And I’m only forty-nine.
- Ogden Nash

Unique, Funny 50th Birthday Present

CUSTOM PERSONALIZED MOVIE TRAILER

You can make it funny, heartfelt, or both

Click here to see it. (Opens in new window)

New! Comments

Have your say! All comments are digested and moderated by the Head Laughologist.

More like this? Go here:

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Or go back from "Funny 50th Birthday Sayings" to "Birthday Quotes and Jokes"

Or back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"

Subscribe here for JokeQuote Laughology! Get the funniest jokes and quotes -- every two weeks! Your email:
Your first name
Then

Don't worry — your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you JokeQuote Laughology.
XML RSSInstant Updates!
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines