Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes for a comical quota of 50s reality. (Reality is a place that definitely requires humor.) These hilarious birthday jokes will kick you into the fifties with a laugh, so you can kick up your heels, high or not.


50th Birthday Humor Quotes, Group 1

Turning 50 means it's only a matter of time before you're regaling your grandkids with the details of your first colonoscopy.
- Greg Tamblyn

Fifty is a weird age. I can clearly remember my childhood, but I can’t remember where I put my keys.
- Melanie White

Gray hair is God's graffiti.
- Bill Cosby

When you’re 50, every time you look in the mirror you think it must be April Fools Day.
- Melanie White

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
- Dave Barry

When you’re 50 and wake up without any aches and pains, you know it’s going to be a good day.
- Melanie White

At 21 you’re finally free to slam down the throttle and see how fast you can go. At 30 you realize, hey, this thing has a brake pedal too. By 40, that brake pedal is showing some serious wear. At 50, let’s face it, you need a brake job.
- Greg Tamblyn

Happy 50th - the years look good on you!
But then, I don’t see as well as I used to.
- Melanie White

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
- Helen Hayes



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Funny 50th Birthday Quotes, Group 2

There’s nothing stressful about turning 50 – except people reminding you about it.
- Melanie White

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.
- Kin Hubbard

Fifty and time to face the facial truth. You’ve got wrinkle cream defeated.
- Melanie White

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
- Joey Adams

Don’t call them age spots; they’re big freckles.
- Melanie White

There is a direct relationship between age and the amount of noise you make when getting up....If you sit too long, everything solidifies.
- Janet Periat

I’m 50, and the only thing getting thinner is my skin.
- Melanie White

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers


Funny 50th Birthday
Quotes, Group 3

You’re not fifty - you’re five perfect 10s!

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
- Bill Vaughan

My 50th birthday wish: that I had as much silver in my safe as I have in my hair.
- Melanie White

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
- Herbert Henry Asquith

You're never too old to become younger.
- Mae West

Now that I’m 50, my body pops and creaks so much, it sounds like the percussion section
- Melanie White

Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.
- Joan Rivers

At 50, I think it’d be a lot easier to relax if I didn’t have to work another 15 years.
- Melanie White

I’m sorry you are wiser,
And I’m sorry you are taller.
I liked you better foolish,
And I liked you better smaller.
- Aline Kilmer, “For the Birthday of a Middle-Aged Child”

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