The author is stranded in the Zihuatanejo bus station (Mexico) with thousands of birds, and realizes they have to poop somewhere.
One of 23 true funny stories and life lessons from JokeQuote's new ebook.
The Zihuatanejo bus station, on the Pacific coast in Mexico, is an unusual collision of man and nature. It’s about the size of a football field, with a 50 to 60 foot high ceiling.
It also happens to be a giant, unintentional aviary.
As I waited early in the morning for the bus to Acapulco (which never showed up), I became aware of what sounded like a very large number of birds. Thinking this odd, I looked up in amazement to the sight of hundreds, maybe even thousands of birds in the rafters, mostly sitting, a few flying around.
My first thought was, Holy Hitchcock.... how the bleep did they get in here?
Then I noticed the building had been designed with several feet of space between the walls and the roof, interrupted by only occasional supports, giving the birds easy access in and out.
As I sat there taking all this in, a question began to form in my mind, having to do with bird poop. Like where exactly do all these birds do their business? So I swung my gaze down to the marble floor, and sure enough it was covered with bird droppings!
This was a fact I hadn’t noticed upon entering because it was 6:30 AM, a time when I’m normally still a few hours from waking consciousness. And also because I was anxious to get to the counter and get my ticket. For the bus to Acapulco. Which never showed up.
As I began to pay more attention to this phenomenon, I noticed I could actually hear the rhythmic splats of bird poop hitting the floor, approximately every five seconds or so.
Feeling some concern about the appearance and hygiene of things like my hair, clothes, and luggage, I immediately and gratefully ascertained that, at least for the moment, neither I nor my luggage was parked directly beneath any member of this enormous flock.
My relief was short-lived, however, when a few minutes later something spooked the birds and they all became simultaneously agitated, erupting into crazy, noisy airborne patterns, like confetti shot from a cannon.
At that moment the splats got much louder and more frequent, and it was quite literally raining bird do-do.
Just then, in the midst of this bizarre storm, something landed on my lap.
No, not bird poop. A feather. I took this to be a sign of divine protection, because somehow, miraculously, I was unscathed.
About that time I looked around and noticed one other interesting fact: I was the only person actually sitting inside this giant bus station.
Everyone else was either outside or standing in the doorways. Most of them were looking at me, with an expression that seemed to say stupid gringo. This struck me as a beautiful example of the term “local knowledge.”
Suddenly I felt a strong urge to move. And to buy an umbrella.
So the next time the bus doesn’t show, look around. You might see something you’ve never seen before.
© 2014 Greg Tamblyn and JokeQuote.com
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