Sex Jokes and Funny Quotes

The absolute best sex jokes, funny quotes and one-liners, in two ebooks.
Download in less than a minute. Inflict 'em on your friends. Only 99 cents!


Top 200 Funny Sex Quotes


Over 200 of my favorite sex quotes from some of the funniest people on the planet: Jerry Seinfeld, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Steve Martin, Rodney Dangerfield, Garry Shandling, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, Mae West, Gypsy Rose Lee, and dozens more famous comedians:

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have good hand."
- Woody Allen

"Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location."
- Carol Leifer

"The first time I ever got undressed in front of a woman, it was horrible. She started screaming, and then they kicked me off the bus."
- James Leemer

"Ann Landers said that you’re addicted to sex if you have sex more than three times a day, and you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers. The only way I am going to get sex three times a day is if I seek professional help."
- Jay Leno


Your ebook comes in high quality pdf format. Opens on any standard computer in Adobe Reader or Preview. (Smartphones and Tablets: depending on your device, you may need a free app.)

The very best adult humor - without being offensive.

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Top 50 Funny Sex Jokes

52 very funny jokes that just happen to be about sex. 33 pages of humor that any adult can enjoy.

If there’s such a thing as a “clean” sex joke (meaning: not sick, gross, or offensive to minorities), these are the 52 best I’ve come across. For instance:

13. Viagra

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind letting me up? I’m starving.”


Your ebook comes in high quality pdf format. Opens on any standard computer in Adobe Reader or Preview. (Smartphones and Tablets: depending on your device, you may need a free app.)

Download in less than a minute - only 99¢

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