Spice up your celebration with these funny anniversary quotes and jokes. More fun than champagne, no hangover, and no empty bottles to recycle!
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On wedding anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
There’s a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers your anniversary. It’s called "Jackasspirin."
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
On his 50th wedding anniversary, Henry Ford was asked his formula for a successful married life. He replied that it was the same formula that made his automobile successful: “Stick to one model.”
It's mine & my husbands first wedding anniversary today. Gonna scare him by asking where he thinks this relationship is going.
- Chani @thispartyislame
Drug stores understand life. That's why the Anniversary cards and Sympathy cards are right next to each other.
- A Guy Named Kelly @kellysdf
I know all the satellite TV channel numbers and all the words to "Stairway To Heaven," and I know my anniversary is sometime in the fall.
- jerry lock @jlock17
Why are his-and-her presents always for her?
- Jason Love @jasonlovetwit
I celebrated 20 years of marriage and I did it the hard way: four men.
- Joanne Astrow
For my parents 50th wedding anniversary I sent them on a trip to Florida. I paid for everything. They were thrilled. First time they'd ever been on a bus.
- Stu Trivax
My husband and I celebrated our 38th wedding anniversary. You know what I finally realized? If I had killed the man the first time I thought about it, I’d have been out of jail by now.
- Anita Milner
23 years ago, my wife and I were having an argument about how to
celebrate our first anniversary. Money was tight, and we had to choose
between taking a beach vacation or buying a couch, which we did not
have. Being a Spaniard, she naturally advocated for the beach. As a
thrifty American, I argued for the couch because it was permanent. In
the end, we compromised — we went to the beach.
- Arthur C. Brooks
For over 20 years Helen had been complaining to Harry about him not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.
On their 25th anniversary, Harry resolved to change this bad habit and make his wife happy.
For the next week Harry was diligent, always capping the toothpaste. He kept expecting Helen to thank him, but she never brought it up.
Finally one night in bed, she turned, looked at him, and said, “Why did you stop brushing your teeth?”
Louie and Louise’s 25th anniversary celebration went south when she punched him on the shoulder. “That’s for 25 years of bad sex!” Louise yelled.
Louis reached over and punched her shoulder. “That’s for knowing the difference!”
Every Wednesday night at St. Rocco’s Catholic Church is a marriage seminar for husbands.
One night Father Gill asked Fabio to share his secrets for staying happily married for almost 50 years.
Fabio explained that he’d tried to treat his wife nice, buy her a few things, and best of all, he took her to Rome for their 25th anniversary.
Father Gill asked, “So what are you going to do for your 50th?”
Fabio proudly answered, “I’m gonna go pick her up!”
A couple were celebrating their 45th anniversary together. They invited their two successful children to join them for a special dinner.
Their daughter, the lawyer, arrived just 10 minutes before dinner. “Sorry I’m almost late,” she said. “The jury took forever to come back. I rushed over here with no time to get you a gift. But Happy Anniversary!”
“No worries about a gift,” said the mother. “We’re just happy you could make it.”
Five minutes later their son, the doctor, rushed in. “So sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. The surgery had some complications, and I had no time to buy you an appropriate present. But Happy Anniversary!”
“The present is not important,” said the mother. “I'm happy we're all together.”
After dinner the father said, “Kids, your mom and I have been in love with each other for 45 years. We've been blessed with the two of you, and had a wonderful life. But we have a confession to make. Way back then we were struggling, and so busy trying to make ends meet, we never took the time to actually get legally married.”
“What?” exclaimed the daughter.
“You mean we’re bastards?” asked the son.
“Yep,” said the father. “Cheap ones, too.”
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