Top 30 Funny Adult Jokes

Top 30 Funny Adult Jokes

Funny Adult Jokes for grownups with a sense of humor about the horizontal cha-cha. Some of the best sex jokes and one-liners from some of the funniest people on the planet.

Links to more like this at bottom of page
Share your own joke or feedback in the comment box.

Funny Adult Jokes
Group 1

After making love I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think that was good for anybody.”
- Garry Shandling

Never tell your wife she’s lousy in bed. She’ll go out and get a second opinion.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
- Woody Allen

Best Sex Jokes
Group 2

It's not the men in my life that counts, it's the life in my men.
- Mae West

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly. Very slowly.
- Gypsy Rose Lee

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Weep and you sleep alone.
- Sophie Tucker

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Spike Milligan

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
- Henry Miller

Engaged women have sex 2.9 times a week. And the .9 is really frustrating.
- Jay Leno

JK Rowling has written a book for grown ups. Most of the action takes place at an adult night school called "Genital Warts.”
- Brian R. Scully

When I was growing up my mother wanted me to be a priest, but I think it’s a tough occupation. Can you imagine giving up your sex life, and then once  a week people come and tell you all the highlights of theirs?
- Tom Dreesen

In America, sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it's a fact.
- Marlene Dietrich

Funny Adult Jokes
Group 3

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
- Groucho Marx

Get in good physical condition before submitting to bondage. You should be fit to be tied.
- Robert Byrne

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
- Joan Rivers

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
- Lily Tomlin

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
- Spike Milligan

Funny Adult Jokes
Group 4

Researchers say Stonehenge was built in the form of a female sex organ. No wonder its baffled men for 5,000 years.
- Jay Leno

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
- Phyllis Diller

I once made love for an hour and five minutes. It was on the day they push the clock ahead.
- Garry Shandling

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
- Woody Allen

Studies have shown that women can have an orgasm by just sitting quietly and using their imaginations. I knew those librarians were up to something.
- Melanie White

Funny Adult Jokes
Group 5

I used to be Snow White…but I drifted.
- Mae West

I had sex for five hours once, but four and a half was apologizing.
- Conan O’Brien

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
- Red Buttons

Forty-six percent of women answered “Yes” when asked if they ever faked an orgasm. Actually they answered, “Yes, yes! Oh God, yes!”
- Wayne Cotter

I’m not surprised Queen Elizabeth was a virgin. It took her half a day and four maids to get undressed.
- Unknown Author

I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me.
- Monica Lewinsky (on CNN discussing her weight-loss)

A transvestite is a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.
- Anonymous

Download my Top 200 Funny Sex Quotes and Top 50 Sex Jokes - Click Here

Comment ~ Share ~ Like ~ Tweet ~ Follow

Submit your own Joke in the Comment Box

New! Comments

Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.

More like this? Go here:

Funny Sex Jokes

Funny Sex Quotes

Top 50 Funny Sex Jokes and Top 200 Funny Sex Quotes

Or return to "Jokes and Quotes: Bedroom, Politics, and Religion"

Or return to the home page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"